Blank

The other day I landed up at work, did the customary login, heat up breakfast, fill up glass of water routine and started Outlook.

I see a mail from my boss, with no subject. I open the mail to find a completely blank mail. No text in the body. Bewildered, I walk into my boss's office. These days I dont call my boss over the phone, but rather walk across the building into his office. This is mainly for two reasons.

1. I love the look on his face when he watches me enter his room. Whenever I find some nice little bug in the product, I love to walk into his room and show off (to my delight and his fear). So the vision of a smiling faced Apoorva walking into his room makes him cringe. Coz he knows its some new complicated bug I am very happily gonna display. So that is reason number 1 why I walk into his office. Coz I love to spread fear!
2. Second reason. Walking = exercise. Makes me lose some weight.

But this time I walked in with a confused look on my face. This threw my boss into an endless loop of guesswork and panic as to what I would have to say. While actually I was the one trying to figure out what he wanted to say with a blank e-mail.

Anyways, to cut a long story short. It was all a mistake. But as I walked back from his office to mine, and during the rest of the day, I kept thinking how most of the people I know might react to a blank e-mail. For now I shall restrict this to my fellow bloggers (not all) and perhaps some commenters.

Imagine a blank mail. Completely blank mail, not even a name on it, lands up in the inbox of the following (Note: I have linked their names, if possible to an appropriate post/blog to prove my biased opinion). Here is my take on their initial reaction:



Bird: Blank. (Long Pause). Blank is another form of emptyness. Blank. (Long Pause). Blank is how my bus should be, when I board it in the morning. Blank is how my bus should be when I board it in the evening. Blank is how my boss's brain is. Blank. (Long pause) That is how my paycheck should be. Yes, all these should be like this blank email.

IdeaSmith: Ha! This has to be some dumb guy. I meant, some guy. When I say guy, its assumed they are dumb. I dont need to say dumb guy. Only a guy can be so stupid as not to write his name, not to write anything in the e-mail and send it to me. All these "mamas boys"! Their mama should have taught them how to create an email account first. After all its only a girl who can teach a guy how to send email in the correct fashion.

Note: I promise a hefty undisclosed amount (in the currency of your liking, or gold, or goat heads [for Bird]) to the one who can convince the above entity to start blogging again.

Anita: Why is this email blank? Why? I need to know why? How could anyone have sent me a blank email? How? I need to know how?

Winny: Blank email. Inspired me to write poetry. (Sung to the tune of mera jeevan kora kaagaz - apologies to non-Hindi speakers).

"Mera jeevan kora email
kora hee rehe gaya...
Jo likha thaa text mein,
"Send" se pehle kho gaya..."

Translate: (from a famous hindi song) My life, like a blank email, remains blank. What I wrote in the text box got lost before I hit send.


Abhi: First, let me define "blank". I dont think this email is blank. If you look beyond the superficial, you will find binary code. So this email is not blank, but a representation of Binary data which gives it the appreance of blankness in the cosmic consciousness.

Mahima: (We love Mahi, dont we guys?)
Ohhh... blank email. I loooooooooove blank emails. First it used to be guys giving me blank calls. Now they are sending me blank emails. Oh, these naughty boys. I hope they are hot! Hits reply Button, types "Hello, I am single". Hits send.

Iyer: Stares at blank mail for 10 minutes. Writes up a blog entry. "Hangover". This is an e-mail hangover. After reading sensible e-mails, and feeling you have replied to all of them, you get a blank email. This is nothing but an email hangover.

Pals: This is how the mind should be when one levitates. Blank. Blank your mind. Free your mind. Best email ever to have graced my inbox!

Medha: Hits reply button. Types, "IDIOT! Monkey!". Hits send. Rubs hands in glee. Says to herself, "Bongs Rock"

[Syracuse Specific - not everyone would get it]

Sharma (Amit): Hits reply button. Types, "I will beat you up!". Hits send. Picks his phone, dials my number, says, "Abbe Chu****, stop sending me blank mails". Hangs up.

Amrita: Forwards mail to Amey, Amit and myself, with the text, "Stephens Back!".

[End Syracuse Specific]

I cant think of one for Couchie, but since he had tagged me to come up with the 5th line of my 23rd post (which happened to be my first post of this year), I'll do him the honors. It goes:

"But consider all for entertainment only!"

So apt. Please consider everything on this blog for entertainment only. Specially this post.