Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Blank

The other day I landed up at work, did the customary login, heat up breakfast, fill up glass of water routine and started Outlook.

I see a mail from my boss, with no subject. I open the mail to find a completely blank mail. No text in the body. Bewildered, I walk into my boss's office. These days I dont call my boss over the phone, but rather walk across the building into his office. This is mainly for two reasons.

  1. I love the look on his face when he watches me enter his room. Whenever I find some nice little bug in the product, I love to walk into his room and show off (to my delight and his fear). So the vision of a smiling faced Apoorva walking into his room makes him cringe. Coz he knows its some new complicated bug I am very happily gonna display. So that is reason number 1 why I walk into his office. Coz I love to spread fear!
  2. Second reason. Walking = exercise. Makes me lose some weight.

But this time I walked in with a confused look on my face. This threw my boss into an endless loop of guesswork and panic as to what I would have to say. While actually I was the one trying to figure out what he wanted to say with a blank e-mail.

Anyways, to cut a long story short. It was all a mistake. But as I walked back from his office to mine, and during the rest of the day, I kept thinking how most of the people I know might react to a blank e-mail. For now I shall restrict this to my fellow bloggers (not all) and perhaps some commenters.

Imagine a blank mail. Completely blank mail, not even a name on it, lands up in the inbox of the following (Note: I have linked their names, if possible to an appropriate post/blog to prove my biased opinion). Here is my take on their initial reaction:



Bird: Blank. (Long Pause). Blank is another form of emptyness. Blank. (Long Pause). Blank is how my bus should be, when I board it in the morning. Blank is how my bus should be when I board it in the evening. Blank is how my boss's brain is. Blank. (Long pause) That is how my paycheck should be. Yes, all these should be like this blank email.

IdeaSmith: Ha! This has to be some dumb guy. I meant, some guy. When I say guy, its assumed they are dumb. I dont need to say dumb guy. Only a guy can be so stupid as not to write his name, not to write anything in the e-mail and send it to me. All these "mamas boys"! Their mama should have taught them how to create an email account first. After all its only a girl who can teach a guy how to send email in the correct fashion.

Note: I promise a hefty undisclosed amount (in the currency of your liking, or gold, or goat heads [for Bird]) to the one who can convince the above entity to start blogging again.

Anita: Why is this email blank? Why? I need to know why? How could anyone have sent me a blank email? How? I need to know how?

Winny: Blank email. Inspired me to write poetry. (Sung to the tune of mera jeevan kora kaagaz - apologies to non-Hindi speakers).


"Mera jeevan kora email
kora hee rehe gaya...
Jo likha thaa text mein,
"Send" se pehle kho gaya..."


Translate: (from a famous hindi song) My life, like a blank email, remains blank. What I wrote in the text box got lost before I hit send.


Abhi: First, let me define "blank". I dont think this email is blank. If you look beyond the superficial, you will find binary code. So this email is not blank, but a representation of Binary data which gives it the appreance of blankness in the cosmic consciousness.

Mahima: (We love Mahi, dont we guys?)
Ohhh... blank email. I loooooooooove blank emails. First it used to be guys giving me blank calls. Now they are sending me blank emails. Oh, these naughty boys. I hope they are hot! Hits reply Button, types "Hello, I am single". Hits send.

Iyer: Stares at blank mail for 10 minutes. Writes up a blog entry. "Hangover". This is an e-mail hangover. After reading sensible e-mails, and feeling you have replied to all of them, you get a blank email. This is nothing but an email hangover.

Pals: This is how the mind should be when one levitates. Blank. Blank your mind. Free your mind. Best email ever to have graced my inbox!

Medha: Hits reply button. Types, "IDIOT! Monkey!". Hits send. Rubs hands in glee. Says to herself, "Bongs Rock"

[Syracuse Specific - not everyone would get it]

Sharma (Amit): Hits reply button. Types, "I will beat you up!". Hits send. Picks his phone, dials my number, says, "Abbe Chu****, stop sending me blank mails". Hangs up.

Amrita: Forwards mail to Amey, Amit and myself, with the text, "Stephens Back!".

[End Syracuse Specific]

I cant think of one for Couchie, but since he had tagged me to come up with the 5th line of my 23rd post (which happened to be my first post of this year), I'll do him the honors. It goes:

"But consider all for entertainment only!"

So apt. Please consider everything on this blog for entertainment only. Specially this post.

69 Comments:

Blogger Medha.. said...

HAHAHAHA! Apoo, that was funnnyyyyyyy! =D

But i SO wouldn't have done that, you idiot monkey! :p

Anyways, mahi's one was the BEST!

"Hits reply Button, types "Hello, I am single". Hits send" --> LOL.

Mahi, what you gona say to that yaar? It was funny though! *chuckles*

November 08, 2005 1:10 AM  
Blogger KJ said...

wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

my name not there

wahhhhhhh

Happy Diwali.

How was ur diwali?

November 08, 2005 4:55 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

OMG apoo i laughed so bloody hard i had tears streaming down my face
YOU ARE SUCH AN ASSHOLE *PUNCH*
GODDAMN YOU STOP MAKING ME SOUND LIKE SUCH A BIMBO-AIRHEAD-SLUT!!!

November 08, 2005 6:21 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

and BY THE WAY
yes everyone DOES love me.
no need to be sarcy about it :P
I STILL HATE YOU FOR MAKING ME SOUND LIKE A DESPERATE HOUSEWIFE..
ps- the reply back WOULD depend on the guys level of cuteness

OK IM DONE.

November 08, 2005 6:23 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

PPS - good entry
:P

November 08, 2005 6:26 AM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

Mahi, i would probably tease you for the rest of my life with this. hahahaha...

OMG Apoo... what have you done man! :p

November 08, 2005 7:10 AM  
Blogger Demi Goddezz said...

Apoo:Mast Ek Dum..Par Why that song??

November 08, 2005 8:11 AM  
Blogger iyer education said...

apoo: abhi's and bird 's representation of BLANK cracked me up big time man... on my views, i would have written movie-script called BLANK starring amitabh and rani mukherjee and it would be about BLOGS :)

November 08, 2005 9:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ajo ...good one after a Long time ...I guess the Florida vacation did u some good .....
Dude I have one for Bordi ...
He will look at the Blank mail ...n then say ..."Send me a Blank mail...muzhe Kucch farakh nahi padta"...
-Amit

November 08, 2005 9:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Apoo:That was reaaaallly interesting.I must say you are good at commenting ABOUT women/girls/females/...u get the idea...:-)


Everyone else:Thank you for the entertainment...:-)its quite something

PALS

November 08, 2005 2:26 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Medha: Thank you, thank you! :D Glad you liked it. I know you wouldnt have done that tho. None of us would have done what I have written... except for Mahi!

KJ: I thought you would be happy about not being featured in the "make fun of" list. Diwali was like any routine day. How was yours?

Mahi: thanks for the PPS. BIMBO-AIRHEAD-SLUT. HAHA! I like that one!

Winny, thank you. oh, just picked outta random... seemed to go well... waise, change tyhat pic of yours!

Iyer: Ah... yes... Abbs part cracks me up everytime I read it!!

Sharma: You know, I had written that stuff about Bordi... and then took it off thinking no one would get it... perhaps shud have left it.

Pals: I am laying all your doubts to rest! Cycle guy still stalk you?

November 08, 2005 7:35 PM  
Blogger Arpi said...

Me? Me? What about me?

November 08, 2005 10:55 PM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

Lol...I'm reeeeely interested in knowing what that 'undisclosed sum' will be.

Oh, and by the way, I don't think all dumb people are men. Women get married too after all!

November 09, 2005 1:26 AM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

Wonder what Apoo would reply to a blank email. Hits reply. Types,

"Hey you! Whoever you are. I love women. But they don't love me. I think i am the Desi Brad Pitt. But STILL women don't love me. Sad, no? I can cook weird dishes like salmon kebabs. Aaah, no wonder women don't like me! I get chased by monkeys and dogs everywhere. Makes me feel like i'm one of them!! Whether you're a guy or a gurl, straight or not, I AM SINGLE! Marry Me! *wink wink*

PS- I think Mahi and Medha are really the bestest & loveliest in the whole wide world!=D "

Hits send.

*Medz rubs hands in glee and says BONGS ROCK!* :p

November 09, 2005 1:36 AM  
Anonymous deepakjeswal said...

LOL, this was hilarious, and the comments as well as usual ;)

November 09, 2005 3:23 AM  
Blogger KJ said...

Apoo

What makes u think that????

;)

KJ

November 09, 2005 5:55 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

HAHA MEDHA THAT WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*high five*

PS- all of you should know about apoo's new nickname. It's so apt that it matches exactly with what medha said
*drumroll*
DESPY APEE!

if any of u don't know why then re-read medha's comment..if u STILL don't get the nik then you're STUPID.

*skips off humming a happy tune*

November 09, 2005 7:33 AM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

MAHI!!! DONT U JUST LOVE ME FOR THAT!! HAHA!! HIGH-FIVE SISTAHH!! WE SIMPLY ROCKKK! LOL.

Yeah people...read my comment. It BEST describes 'DESPY APEE'..

hahahahahah!!

:p:p

November 09, 2005 8:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"BIMBO-AIRHEAD-SLUT"
Calling Ajo a "DESPY APEE"

Now how lucky can any one be...Ajo dude take the Hint
-Amit

November 09, 2005 1:07 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Ohhhh... the ladies are trying to get back! Too late! Too late!

Arpi: U r my fav. gurl. How cud I make fun of ya!!

Smithy: U quote the sum.

Medha: IDIOT! BLOODY MONKEY!

DJ: Me and my commenters say Thank You.

KJ: I used to think you were the sane types....

Mahi: Now, we had a deal remember? How could you break my trust. I had told ya not to mention to anyone about my nick being Despy Apee and I wont mention your friends and family call you SILKY SMITHA. Why did you break that trust?? I am hurt...

Amit: Man... I think you are onto something... you think? Its a hint? Really? *I am all smiles*

November 09, 2005 7:47 PM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

Apoo- HA HA HA! For the first time Apoo has nothing to say!!! Well obviously. I know the truth hurts Apoo. But its ok. Don't feel too bad about it ya? :p:p

Mahi- SILKY SMITHA?!? Really?? lol.

November 09, 2005 8:09 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Medha... I didnt want to say much. When Mahima "SILKY SMITHA" Rao breaks your trust, there is nothing much to be said.... :(

November 09, 2005 8:19 PM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

OH PUHHLEEEEZ! Don't give excuses. Cut the crap! :p:p

And thank god i am not the only with weird pet names. Phew! There are others too, in the same league. ;)

November 09, 2005 8:22 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Yeah, on a lite note, even I have been wondering why would people call her SILKY SMITHA!!

Mebbe she resembles that SILK SMITA actress in some ways?

November 09, 2005 8:25 PM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

SILK SMITA?? Whos that?!? :S

November 09, 2005 8:41 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Oh, Here, Google link

I am not to be blamed for any heart attacks!

November 09, 2005 8:51 PM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

OMG APOOO!!!!! YOU ARE A MEANIE! MAHI IS SO GONNA KILL YOU.




AND I SUPPORT YA MAHI. KILL APOO! :p:p

November 09, 2005 8:56 PM  
Blogger iyer education said...

apoo: forget mahi and all that trust if you two had any amongst you... if she's SILKY SMITHA then she has to be with POLYESTER PARYUL... dont you get it? they are MADE FOR EACH OTHER... in the meanwhile, you continue the quest of finding idea and try and get her blogging, instead of asking and quoting "THE SUM"...

November 09, 2005 11:06 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

OH MY GOD/
I HATE YOU.
I
HATE YOU.
I HATE YOU.
I HATE YOU.
HOW COULD U GIVE THEM THE LINK1!?!?!?!!

thats it apee.
u and i are parting ways.

*mahi walks away*

November 10, 2005 1:06 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

medha..i dont kill...i dont harm..i dont plot and plan..
i just walk away.
.
.
.
.

November 10, 2005 1:08 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

ok guys i'm back...but only because apee begged and pleaded with me to not go.

and u idiot. dont go and put my surname on public domain yaar..
gadhe kai ka

November 10, 2005 1:28 AM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

Ok Mahi, you lost me there.. whats "gadhe kai ka"?!?!?!? :S


Did you mean "gadha kahin ka"??

November 10, 2005 2:57 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

medha..shit i think thats what i meant hahaahaha
looks like all those years in hindi school SO didn't pay off
but dont they always say 'gadhe kai ka' in the movies?? :S:S

November 10, 2005 6:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mahima ....r u seriously even close to the legendary Silk Smitha...
If u r why r u in singapour....pls come here ...I m waiting here with my open arms .... (Full SK style)
-amit

November 10, 2005 11:08 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

amit...please please... silk smitha looks a little gross and oversexed.
and if youre still wondering, no im nothing like silk smitha
u fold those arms back, and sit quietly :P
*snaps her whip*
moahahaah

November 10, 2005 11:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Plz mahi …those are some real harsh words about SS ….see If u don’t want to come here or worst don’t have the money for the airfare to States tell me I will arrange for it …but plz don’t say such things about her ….N I have seen your photos….u have so much of resemblance ….Thanks to ajo I have realized wht I was missing ….so Still with Open arms I wait for u ….Aja Mahia

-Amit

November 10, 2005 2:38 PM  
Anonymous Brad said...

Damn Idiotic spammer, had his settings misconfigured, probably didn't do a read up on RFC822. Baah. :-)

November 10, 2005 3:18 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Medha: Didnt I say... I am silent, vindictive... you are next!

Iyer: LOLZ. Mahi and Pals... that would make one hell of a combination.

Mahi.... phew, she is gone! she is gone! Yesss!!! Ooopsss... she is back! Love me, dontcha? Errr... btw, u want me to delete that comment off?
Also, want hindi lessons?

Amit... yeah, I know she bears a striking resemblance. Waise, why dont you fly down to Singapore? And if you are offering people money, how about financing my trip to California (for introducing you to the reincarnation of Silk Smita?)

Brad: LOL! Beware... some people here dont fancy technical comments.

November 10, 2005 8:53 PM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

Apoo- I am next??? Bring it on baby! :p:p:p

November 10, 2005 9:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

People:yeh sab kya ho raha hai ....Strange events have occured ....
1:apoos gone totally nuts...hes actually taking baldla(revenge) on all the people that've mocked him/made fun of him/done nothing to him(me)
2:amits financing public to fly down to the west/singapore
3:medhas now gonna be apoos next target(cant wait to read about that...although i think apoo will loose the battle in the end
4:mahimas become silky smitha..(that is reallly funny)
5:iyers changed his name:-(
6:abs is leaving the US :-((((
7:winnys not posting any poems..just pictures...
8:ideas not blogging anymore and might marry apoo...
i dont know whats gonna happen next but i cant wait to read about it...ha ha ha ...to all you crazy folks...thankyou for your craziness:-))

PALS

November 10, 2005 10:47 PM  
Blogger iyer education said...

pals: i know life can be cruel sometimes... but it cant get any crueller than you and madame together...
SILK SMITHA AND POLYESTER PARYUL...

i just wonder if you have kids, would you name them TERRYCOT, WOOL, LYCRA etc etc... just crazy and astray thoughts... pliss not to mind

November 10, 2005 10:55 PM  
Blogger Demi Goddezz said...

Pals:Like U said ... "Its all about ur actions" ...so their actions will speak for them....

As for me not writing poems.. hmm for some reason .. Inspiration is lacking...

Medha:Keep up the good work

Mahi:let me know when u get here.. We can plan a Girls Night Out...

Apoo:hmm good luck...

November 10, 2005 11:23 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Iyer: Brillianto!
If its a girl, we name her "Lycra Lylah". If its a boy, "Terricot Tatya"

Winny: Thank You! And stop dancing around poles... and even if you do, stop taking fotos!!

November 10, 2005 11:32 PM  
Blogger Arpi said...

Me, your fav. girl? Cracked me up! How was Florida?

November 10, 2005 11:34 PM  
Blogger iyer education said...

ye lo... bacha hua nahi, naamkaran ho gaya... neways... TERRYCOT TATYA cracked me up... and if there is another boy then we will call him (for some reason) GRASIM GOTYA (remember the old marathi serial?)

November 10, 2005 11:38 PM  
Blogger Demi Goddezz said...

Apoo:Ur kids will be chased around by dogs too?

Huh??/ Apoo just coz u go dancing around poles doesnt mean..all others do...and get ur eyes checked .. dimaag ke saath eyesight also ur losing...sob sob..

November 10, 2005 11:39 PM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

OH MY GOD! Apoo doesnt like pics of GIRLS standing around poles, but he wanted to see a video of my GUY FRIEND doing a POLE DANCE!!!

So people, what does that tell us about Apoorva aka DESPY APEE?!?!

Tch tch Apoo, yaar,mere dost, izzat naam ki bhi koi cheez hoti hai ya nahi?! Kuch toh sharam kar!!!

:p:p

November 10, 2005 11:45 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

oh my god.
1)i get called silk smitha
2) i get called the REINCARNATION of silk smitha
3) im set up with pals (who by the way i dont even know :S)
4) my kids are gonna have horrible names

oh will the torture ever end.
I HATE YOU DESPY APEE, I HATE YOU!

November 10, 2005 11:56 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Arpi: FL was tiring... like 18-20 hour days, but good nonetheless.

Iyer: LOL! Yup, I do remember Gotya!! Who could forget

Winny: OKOK. Keep the pic!

Medha: I like the pics. Just that I dont like my friends hanging out on poles. And unlike people I know, I dont blog about it!!!

Mahi:
1. The truth is the truth is the truth. I was talking to this guy yesterday and he was all happy about hearing the name SIlk Smita. So she is damn famous... resembling her is not too bad. Oh yeah, just that the guy was like 65.
2. I think thats a compliment.
3. Geez... now thats a tuff one to decide... who loses....
4. I think TATYA and GOTYA rock!!

WE ALL LOVE YA MAHI!!!

November 11, 2005 12:47 AM  
Blogger iyer education said...

continuing the excitement, i would like to state that please do proper family planning... or else if you have a 3rd kid, then we run out of words that end with 'tya' and we will have to call the third kid 'Cotton Ch$%ya'... ;)

November 11, 2005 1:01 AM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

Apoo, arrey yaar, bhadak mat.. SHAANTI!!! :p

November 11, 2005 1:06 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Iyer... not good man... my neighbours mite just get up due to these loud bouts of laughter I am having!

Medha: Errr... who is this Shanti? Good lookin'?

November 11, 2005 1:13 AM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

Apoo, shut up! idiot!

November 11, 2005 1:26 AM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

Hmph...i refuse to let any of my kids be named after textiles!!!! Soooo...the wedding's off!!

By the way I think Silk Smita comitted suicide sometime back but there is another southern siren called Nylex Nalini...Mahi, praps u could check and see if u want to follow her footsteps instead!

November 11, 2005 1:38 AM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

Apoo, new post pleaaaaasseee! Hum bore ho gaye! Kuch naya likh na. :D

November 11, 2005 2:03 AM  
Anonymous Brad said...

I'll try to keep a tab on the techie wisecracks. (I used the word, 'try') :-)

November 11, 2005 3:36 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Smithy: Do your or my names sound anything like SIlk Smitha or Polyester Pals?? Kids reflect their parents name. Lemme consult Iyer and try to figure out our kids name. Dont walk out on the marriage.... I have already sent out invitations. U women and cold feet!!!!

And yes, Silk is dead. Mahi is the reincarnation!!! She lives as Mahi!!

Errr... Medha, its just 2 days from my last post. You think I am a post producing factory? And you mean you are bored of pulling my leg over this post, so new post to pull leg?

Brad: Dont blame me. I had warned ya!

November 11, 2005 8:43 AM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

HAHA! Apoo darling, yes you are right. I am kinda bored pulling ur leg over this post. So new post PLEAAAAAASSSEEE....And eh, treat it as a compliment ok. That im asking u to put up a new post... ;)

November 11, 2005 9:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mahima the only solution to this whole thing is .....get married to me *On my knees*
I will take care of appu and PAL ....
N your kids ...oh sorry our Kids will not have such outrageous names ....
Still waiting with open arms ...(They have started to pain now )
-Amit

November 11, 2005 9:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh God

Iyer:no more names of my would be children with someone i dont even know ...whats all this crap man??
by the way ..names were HILARIOUS....:-)
Mahi:hi :-)Actually its very easy to ignore everything apoo/iyer say...as they say ignorance is BLISSSS
Amit:Man youve got your ARMS set out on mahima...what is this? love at first blog??
Winny:I understand....take your time...and write when you want to ...:-)
to the others...i might be off the blogging comments indefinitely :-)
Nice talking to ya...I will keep reading em....so Dont you mess with me...I know a very ancient form of VOODOO....:-)
APOO:New post !!!

PALS

November 11, 2005 11:57 AM  
Blogger Demi Goddezz said...

pals:Not fair .. i even wrote a poem.. at 3 in the morning..now why,how,what on earth was i doing awake at that time..no those are big no no questions.
u better write comments...or ill use my VOODOO..;)hehe

November 11, 2005 12:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

demi goddezz u have to change the name of your blog too...."I write U have to read"
-amit

November 11, 2005 1:16 PM  
Blogger Demi Goddezz said...

Tima:hhaa 'Have to is understood" why waste space ehhehe ;)

November 11, 2005 1:57 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Medha: I think I'll be a nice guy and say - Ladies first!! U blog, I blog.

Tima: Go for it!

Pals: Very good. Stay away. Kill yourself... go hiking in the mountains and get lost in the wilderness. Dont find your way back home! GOOOO....!!!

Winny: No Voodoo works on Pals.

November 11, 2005 7:50 PM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

Pals: "Ancient form of voodoo" as opposed to modern forms of jadoo? Guess that's apoo with his salmon kababs enticing unsuspecting bloggers....

Apoo: Muhahaha...I'm back...nasty as ever....u can keep the 'undisclosed sum' as my penalty for breaking the pre-nup.

November 12, 2005 6:32 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Smithy: I am not sure if I should smile or cry.... happiness for the fact that you are back. Sadness for the fact that the marriage is off.

There people.... it worked. I scared Smithy with marriage. She put back her thinking cap and concluded blogging is better than marriage.

Yeah, I deserve that undisclosed sum....

Welcome back Smithy... finally this blog does something useful for mankind... and womankind

November 12, 2005 7:36 AM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

Awww how chweet...a guy who says he's happy to see Nasty Me is back....mebbe the marriage would work, Apoo.

November 12, 2005 5:56 PM  
Blogger Lord of all Things said...

hehe ! gud post but...what theF**** hell!! 67 comments..!!does great to my ego!!

November 13, 2005 1:46 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Thanks LOAT. You just made it 68. And tis makes it 69. :)

Dont count your life by the comments you get, but by the posts you publish.

November 20, 2005 9:16 PM  

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