Sunday, October 30, 2005

Monkey Business

Nanguy alert! Long post alert.

Trackback to the summer of '99. Those were the days right? The Nanguys plan a trip to Matheran. For those who wouldnt know, Matheran is a hill station about 5 hours from Bombay. No cars allowed there and everything is red mud. Amazing place. And loads of horse shit. So its Abhi, Bird, Bakshi, Pals, Farro and me.

I'll leave the journey details for another day. Just that Bakshis huge bag fell from the top on some poor malnourished guys head in the train.

We get to the hotel, we have two attached rooms in a cottage kinda place for us. Neat I say. So all of us are sitting and enjoy the scene, red mud and fresh Matheran air. Suddenly there is this distinct pungent smell. The kinda smell which "grows stronger with time and eventually knocks you out" kinda smell. Everyone stared at Birds butt With pieces of cloth on our nose, we started hunting down the smell before it killed us. Eventually we zeroed down on Pals shoes. Off they went into the trash can. To make matters worse, Pals kept laughing for half an hour. I was so sure this trip was gonna be one helluva experience.

I'll skip the part where ghosts chased us and we had 20 plates of butter chicken. But the next day, we decided to explore the local attractions. One such attraction was a group of village kids playing cricketwiki. The typical maharastrian ghat types. As we walked towards them they all ran to us, looked at Bird and said "Our father has returned". What followed next was a cricket match between the nanguys and local ghats. Bird was a neutral umpire.

I should let you all know, Matheran is infested with Monkeys. Red and Black mouth baboons. They are all over. Following you all the time. There have been times when they have attacked humans and a monkey bite could be pretty dangerous. And as the norm goes, our ancestors hung around our cottage too. You could see them chase each other all the time and they did bear a striking resemblance to Pals.

One fine morning Bakshi decides to have tea in the Veranda. So we have Bakshi with tea and a room with an open door. In the room we have Farro and Abbs, half asleep and half naked, brushing each others teeth. Bird and Pals are in the other room. One of the monkeys decides to make it his morning business to check out our room. So he casually walks past a stunned Bakshi, who has forgotten about is tea and is too shocked by the mammal. Abbs and Farro turn around to hear Bakshi shouting "Sh**, Sh**" and see the visual of a monkey enter the room. Now, this monkey had to be a lady. She heads straight for a shopping bag, which contains Bakshi's valuables. A paranoid Bakshi closes the room door. So now we have Bakshi outside the room, a monkey with a shopping bag inside the room, with a half naked, but fully awake Abbs and farro, toothbrush in hand, toothpaste foam in mouth.

Miss Monkey jumps onto one bed, leaps to the next one and shows her teeth to Farro and Abbs. "Should we brush her teeth too?", asks Farro. Complete havoc breaks loose. Two half naked guys and a she-monkey with a shopping bag. Running all over the room. You think this could not get any funnier? Wrong. Bakshi is outside. Abbs and Farro are in this room with the monkey. Pals and Bird are in the other room. Realize who is missing? This is when I decide to walk out of the bathroom, all wrapped in a towel to be greeted by the sight of two toothpaste spitting homosapiens chased by a monkey with a Shoppers Stop bag. There is a momentary pause, where all three stop and stare at me. And the circus continues. Only this time, I am the clown.

The monkey settles itself on one bed while the three of us wonder what next. Bird and Pals are next. In walk the two cartoons, from the connecting door. All shocked to find three half naked guys and a monkey. Bird walks to the monkey, who drops the bag, and unzips his pants. The monkey decides to run into the open bathroom door and Pals in a split second locks the door.

While in there, she decided to make herself at home and pee all over the place. We did manage to shoo the monkey out and Bird managed to convince her to return Bakshi's valuables. The bathroom was a stinky mess (its debatable if that was due to the monkey or the one who used the bathroom last?)

Nevertheless, this is one Nanguy incident which ranks right up there. You know, the one we would talk about everytime we meet even when we are 80.

Above, you would find a photograph taken during the Matheran trip of '99. Top row is myself, trying to kill the man who will take over Wills factory one day and currently responsible for the "monkey-boom" in Matheran. Standing besides me is Farro, who would win Gladrags and go on to represent India for Mr. World (and make Nanguys proud). Abbs, trying to screw two imaginary light bulbs (rumours say he invented electricity in Matheran), and eventual co-founder of indiaCode, and Pals, rubbing Abbs thigh, and current spiritual guru, IBM consultant and apparently first Indian to float in the air. Its been a long journey. Cheers to the Summer of '99, Monkeys and Old Monk Rum.


Blogger iyer education said...

good to know that all the 6 of you including the monkey all ended up being safe... now that there is a doubt as to who created the mess... my doubt is, who cleaned up the mess in the bathroom

abhi or bird or pals never mentioned about the monkey incident to me... or neither did he introduce me to the monkey when we were in matheran a coupla times...

October 30, 2005 11:56 PM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

OK firstly Matheran ROCKS! Actually Mahabaleshwar rocks even more...but Matheran was my first hill-station experience and also yes...monkey-business experience. Damn nice place!

Secondly, hillarious incident!!!! Really man.. three guys and a monkey..that too a lady monkey! What more do you need to roll on the floor with laughter! LOL!

October 31, 2005 12:02 AM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

Hey happy diwali btw!! Sigh, Dont u miss the streets of bombay at this time of the year?! Hmm, nostalgia settling in once again!

October 31, 2005 1:48 AM  
Blogger Bird said...

I had to clarify some things out here:
Contrary to popular belief i was not in the room with pals when the monkey made its appearance, i was next to the door having tea when Bakshi asked me to communicate to the monkey that it was'nt welcome in the room,(Bakshi's words, "Bird, ask that monkey to leave & lock the door") & locked the main door (on my behalf, but before the monkey could escape). My futile attempts at trying to convey Bakshis message by trying to kick a wild monkey made the monkey even wilder, which is when i decided to take precautionery measures & ran into the room where pals was sleeping & locked the room door. What the three of you did to the monkey, to make it want to go & pee, i leave to readers' imagination.
I also wish to inform all that the valuables that Bakshi attempted to save by sacrificing his five friends to a wild monkey was the previous days'laundry.

October 31, 2005 1:50 AM  
Blogger KJ said...

hilarious!!!! three HALF NAKED guys and a monkey! LOL!


October 31, 2005 5:25 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

firstly thank u for clarifying WHAT matheran was...i had a feeling that was directed at me hahahah
secondly..why were ure friends brushing each others teeth? thats a bit disturbing..i mean love in friendship can only go SO FAR :P
thirdyl...wooo so thats farro...not bad not bad ;)

good on u guys man =) ill put up a post like this in about 5 years time..lets see where i am then haha
happy diwali mate!

October 31, 2005 8:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Remember the movie ....Ek bandar hotel ke andar ....
So if we have semi nude Ajo ..n a female monkey should be called ..Ajo ek bandar ke andar .....

October 31, 2005 9:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

apoo: LOL...AWESOME..:-))Couldnt have put it in a better way...:-)

bird:I believe you ...i do remember you running in to the room like you had just seen a freaking ghost ...and then i remember going out to see what the hell was going on and ...well the rest as they say is HISHTORY

medha:I agree with ya...The atmosphere in bombay during diwali is just out of the world..:-)
Dam i miss it a lot..

rumpy:We actually called one of the attendants in the cottage and he got the monkey out and cleaned the that smell was the most godaweful thing i ever had my nose around...(those shoes come next on the list)


October 31, 2005 12:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yea Pops, Pals' shoe/sock stink in that trip wouldav shamed a 1000 skunks blazing their butt fury ....

But mannn .... hail us brave souls (Farro and me for facing a three incher nail and fangy combi for our ancestor. This BTW, apoo failed to mention (or maybe didnt observe coz he was in the bath doing something ...), This huge orange-red ass Langoor with a shopping bag (yes Bird it wasn't a laundary bag ... and if can remember correctly, the bag was translucent and had Adit's new red chadds and a red shirt ... which explains why he shut the damn door on us ... ) first locked its eyes on us (one after the other), dropped the bag when it landed on the first bed (yea, it just found two half-naked studs with toothbrushes ... what else do you think it would go for).
It was a classic love triangle story, two guys and a monkey, except that the monkey was after the slowest of the two. Bird made his special appearance and showed his extreme skills as an escape artist. Outran the monkey to the other room and shut the damn door on us ... leaving us (yes again half naked with the monkey). Apoo came out and Pals got up from bed (thought there was some connection there) and now there were four guys (3 naked), a monkey, some fangs, some nails, a dropped plastic bag with red chadds and toothbrush with paste. The monkey was still after me and farro. Pals was after Apoo.
with everybody running in circles, the monkey finally gave in and hit the loo. Pals thought that he got his guy, slammed the door (cruel gothic intentions perhaps). And bravo .... we were all alive.

Yes of course once the monkey was removed ... we had no idea who was responsible for the stink in the bath; the Monkey or Apoo (Bird's still investigating this)

It was fun though (this was also the longest period in time i had a toothbrush stuck in my mouth)

Mahi: We were brushing our respective teeth ... I think
(this was before I found a better morning solution for the same) ...

PS: think i found a better solution to this one too ... but lets not go there ..............

October 31, 2005 12:19 PM  
Blogger Demi Goddezz said...

Apoo:Hillarious to the core..eventhough have heard it before.. with slight variations from the observers perspective ...heheheh was laffing laffing ..

Bird:What did ya actualy tell the monkey|?

Abs:/* Ahem Ahem */

Pals:Why didnt u make it rain.. It would have been fun to see matherans moneky population in ur room...

October 31, 2005 1:18 PM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

Lol Apoo.....your comments make up about 90% of the funny part of this post. So the monkey was definitely female, then? Can't resist takes a female to get the males together.

Good story! Happy diwali!

October 31, 2005 1:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Winny:I didnt make it rain BECAUSE i didnt want the whole monkey population in our was enough...:-)

And yeah by the way just to clarify ...i was running behind apoo cuz ithought he was our best chance to appease the monkey:-)you know...apoo's USED to that (ie beeing the bali ka bakra) no matter what happened in nandanvan ..apoo was eventually the one who everyone caught...this inspite of the fact that he NEVER was actually involved in any of our mischiefs :-)..tch tch ..poor apoo..

October 31, 2005 6:18 PM  
Blogger Demi Goddezz said...

Pals:true True...Apoo the bali ka bakra always.. na this shoulda been Bandar ki gali ka bakra.. (ok stop shayari attempt)...

Abs :"It was a classic love triangle story, two guys and a monkey, except that the monkey was after the slowest of the two. "

Which one.. U need to define that.. very clearly....???

October 31, 2005 6:29 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Iyer: Bird does not like to share his monkeys with no one. He will not introduce you to them.

Medha: I think I miss streets of Mumbai anytime of the year. I was in Mumbai for last Diwali and it was too polluted for comfort. Donno if I should blame the phatakas or Bird for that tho! And babes, Happy Diwali to ya too!

Bird: U rock! I see that you have written a lot in your defence about the Monkey and room positions relative to yours. But not a word about the Matheran village kids coming and saying, "Our father is back." So you accept?

KJ: Thengew. Long time no see. Wish you a Happy new year and happy diwali from my side, and on behalf of Nanguys. Wow! KJ is first person ever to wish Nanguys as a group. She deserves special recognition award!

Mahi: So you like Farro eh? I thought he was too pretty for ya ;)
Happy Diwali.

OK, I am not gonna repeat this person to person.
"HAPPY DIWALI" to all of you who wished and did not wish me!

Pals: we gotta do this again. In San Jose? What say? I come there and throw out all ya shoes!!

Abhi: I told ya bro... u shudda written this post! Oh well... I have to keep reminding myself. People dont read my post, they come here o read the comments. Lage raho!

Winny: Dhokebaaz!! I am going to ignore you henceforth. Ad Bird told the monkey, "Mai aapke bacche kaa baap...."

Smithy: Yeah... it gets a female to get the males together. What do you think we were doing before that? Living in different rooms and not talking with each other. I'll rephrase that, It takes a female to make men run together... else us lazy buffoons!

Pals: Start a blog and write all my Bakraa incidents.

Winny: Once again, you are in trouble!

October 31, 2005 7:08 PM  
Blogger Demi Goddezz said...

Apoo:/* Winny feeling miserable*/

Public Apology ..SORRY SORRY>>> Infinte times.../* SOB SOB*/

I wasnt even aware of the fact that i was being a dokebaaz..will tell u in detail..

October 31, 2005 7:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

apoo: No writing a blog...:-) I hope the other nanguys ie abs or bird will do that..
But you should visit san jose...dhammal place hai yaar...really cool mountains and all..:-)
winny:You should know that at the time that the matheran incident took place...both farrow and abs were like reeeeeeeeeeallly slow...and abs had the disadvantage that he couldnt really see ANYTHING...:-) so i think we'l have to ask the bandariya who she was really after...
Bird:What were you up to on diwali day dude??


October 31, 2005 9:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

**Clarification** - That plastic bag held 3-4 Benetton t-shirts of mine (Benetton was my jaan back then!). I wasnt interested in watching a family of langurs wear my t-shirts the next day.
Hence, smart option - lock the door and hope that the bandar, after having bitten pals/bird will have dropped the bag.

- Bakshi

October 31, 2005 9:17 PM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

Apoo- I know it gets a little polluted.....oh wait...did u say POLLUTED??? Eh, you spoilt firang!!!! How can streets of bombay during diwali suddenly become polluted???! Geeeeez, shame on u!!:p

Anyways, diwali is different in bombay yaar. Whatever the pollution level is, or the noise level for that matter, i definitely miss all the dhamal and the commotion in bombay during diwali! Oh, how could i forget the food!! Yummm!

Pals- Happy diwali to you! =)

October 31, 2005 9:32 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

What have I done?? PALS is all over this blog. I think I have unleashed the monster within by telling him about my blog.

PALS, go back to sleep!

Ahhh... yes, Bakshi and his Benetton. I still remember that white... nah, blue UCB walla shirt bro. I say we make Bakshi wear that in his shaadi kaa reception.

Medha: Hey, dont blame me okay. Last year was really bad. But yeah, I miss the fun too. Altho Diwali never was my favorite festival, but I loved the friends/family get together.... and watching people aim rockets at other buildings.

October 31, 2005 10:55 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

'farro's too hot for me'??
jeeez when did i say that man :P
help a (single) friend out man
heh heh heh

November 01, 2005 4:18 AM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

Eh Apoo, since you're helping your single friends.. how about helping me too? :p

November 01, 2005 10:06 AM  
Anonymous Pixel8 said...

now another long post for the skipped parts! :)

November 01, 2005 10:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Apoo:You've been known to make such mistakes in your life...(making me read ur blog ,..etc) i guess its all YOUR FAULT...:-)You'l just have to live with it now..MU HA HA HA HA(RAVANA laughter continues...)
medha:happy diwali to you too...and just so you know..apoo's been the spoilt FIRANG type all his life...:-)


November 01, 2005 1:21 PM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

Mahi, Medha, he never does that....all he does is make salmon kababs and call our clan dhokebaaz/dholkis etc....

November 01, 2005 3:32 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

hahahahaah oh smithy i knew things were going downhill when he started making SALMON kebabs.
seriously..what are some people thinking.
*shakes head*

November 01, 2005 6:01 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

All you bloody jokers!! Look, read, open your eyes. 99% of the guys who comment on my blog are single. Half the bloggers I link to are single. What more am I supposed to do? I can take the horse to the water, I cant make it drink.

*OK, I am not calling y'all a horse*

But this is like, "bhala karo aur maar khao" (do good and get beaten)

Pixoo: I cant do such things. I love my readers.

PALS: I tell ya man... start a blog. Call it, "The sad life of Apoo". U'll have lots to write.

November 01, 2005 7:23 PM  
Anonymous anonymous coward said...

Apoo, are you single?

November 01, 2005 7:47 PM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

Arre Arre, yaar Apoo, bhadak kyun raha hai?! Chillllllll!! :p

November 01, 2005 9:41 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Anonymous Coward: The way my weight and waist is growing (exponentially), I think I am triple!

Medha: Am Damn ANGRY!!! Sumbuddy gonna get hurt real baaad!!! SumBuddy!!!

November 02, 2005 12:26 AM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

Apoo- :p:p...YAWWWWNNNNNN!

November 02, 2005 12:43 AM  
Anonymous anonymous coward said...

Haha. Weight and waist aside, are you single?

November 02, 2005 12:44 AM  
Blogger Demi Goddezz said...

Apoo:Tension nahi lene ka ..

November 02, 2005 1:00 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said... that a 'yes' to setting me and your friend up?

it better be a 'yes'.
*shakes a fist*

November 02, 2005 3:51 AM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

Ooh I'm scared. Make love not war, people....

November 02, 2005 4:05 AM  
Blogger iyer education said...

apoo: anonymous coward is upto something... most prolly doubling you up... this guesswork thingy is goin good on your blog... and i share your thoughts on all the singles using this as a forum to find doubles and then give gaalis to the administrator... this is not very good... we need to lodge a complaint with the Kaarporetor

November 02, 2005 4:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Think i know who anon coward is ....

BTW, anybody noticed why/how everything in pops' post comments points to marriage, hooking up

IOW "flirting"

November 02, 2005 1:59 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Medha: Wake up!

Coward: Are you female?

Winny: Ekdam cool!

Mahi: I love my friends! I cant hand them such atrocities! :P

Smithy: Now u talking....

Rumpel: Kaarporetar sux! He only loves monkeys. And Matheran kids.

Abhi: Tell tell tell!
And like I said b4, this site is serious competition to

November 02, 2005 4:37 PM  
Blogger Demi Goddezz said...

Apoo:Kya yaar ..yeh ho kya raha hein??ehhehehe

I have a serious feeling the Bandariya has unleashed its soul in ur blog...

Abs:How on earth do u get to know everything..Psycic kab se ban gaye?

November 02, 2005 7:06 PM  
Anonymous paras said...

the only person who has not changed a bit is bird .. pals looks like a dudhwala ;) only a dhoti is missing ..

November 04, 2005 5:16 AM  

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