Monday, October 24, 2005

The Way To A Womans Heart...

"Honey I am home. Whats for dinner?"

Since ages all mothers have been preparing their daughters to deal with the above one liner. Learn to cook.

"Sasuraal waale kya kahengay?" (Translate: What will the in-laws say)

"Dear, the way to a mans heart is through his stomach."

Its been put down as a womans noble duty to cook. The more variety and better the taste, better the husband! As a matter of fact, I dont think the way to a mans heart is through his stomach anymore. It is but expected that the girl know how to cook and how to cook well. Its a fact, accepted. At face value. You better have some other talent than knowing how to make finger licking food if you wanna get to the mans heart (Read: If you want that diamond necklace).

Now wait dear. Keep that gun down. Before
she pulls the trigger let me explain. This post is not about the woman and the tradition of cooking being passed down from mother to daughter.

Lets backtrack. Into the past.

In my quest of being the ideal man, an all-rounder (yeah, literally - rolls hands over round belly), and the hunt for the ideal woman, I thought I should make myself more "marketable". So I thought of all the parameters. No doubt an attitude with an aptitude to match is a turn on to all women. Couple that with 0% body fat. And you have Kiera Knightley running after ya. But you know whats sexier?

For a woman, nothings sexier than a man (preferably with the abovementioned qualities) who can cook. Agreed?

Imagine you come home after a tiring day at work. Make it worse. You come home late due to overload of work, which you carry home with you. You are greeted by two kids (yeah, your spoilt brats) and hubby dear, asking you to cook since they are hungry. So there you start cutting the onions, peeling the potatoes..... and wondering why you entered marital bliss(?).

Cut back to the point where you come home late from a tiring day at work. You open your house door to the delicious aroma of basmati rice, chicken/paneer Makhani (Butter Chicken), onion pakodas and roti. And just when you are controlling your burp from over-eating, out comes the chocolate cake (I know, I know!) and Roshogulla.

Here. I'll let you in on a little secret. The way to a womans heart is through her stomach. Yup guys. The world has changed, open ya eyes.

When I first got to USA, I remember living off rice, boiled daal and salad. Couldnt last too long, could I? So I did the next obvious thing. Befriend a girl who knows how to cook. But eventually I did learn. I remember the first time I went on to cook chicken. I messed it all up. Last moment heriocs by her set things right. Practice makes a man perfect. Slow but steady, I got better. First I experimented on my roomies. They survived. Then my neighbours. And now I am ready to open my own restaurant.

Last week I decided to take up the final frontier. Kebabs. People eat chicken and lamb and paneer kebabs. I was walking around the supermarket and saw salmon (fish). I wondered, "Has anyone ever had a Salmon Kebab?"

The rest, as we can see, is history.

Now I just need to work towards that attitude, aptitude and 0% body fat!


Blogger Demi Goddezz said...

Nice Fish Kebabs .. So when am I coming to Baltimore ... and a good quote from my best friend whos boyfriend happens to be a good cook and told her that for his own good.

Now she refuses to learn and also refuses to cook,, why bother ,, the poor guy cooks everyday ...]Just an insight..

October 24, 2005 12:23 AM  
Blogger iyer education said...

apoo: are you trying to tell me that you dropped dead after you ate those salmon kababs when you said rest is history ... if so, then let your soul rest in peace... and if you are alive, we know whom to contact for "chakhna" when we have tullee sessions when you are in india :)

i dont know if stomach is a way to a woman's heart, but i love cooking... i do it on weekends... and surprisingly my family is alive till now... nice post though...

October 24, 2005 12:30 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Demi: Works for me dear. But sometimes, food can become awful to taste. And that could be done intentionally. Yeah, I could get evil.
Since I strive to be the "ideal-man", hopefully, my counterpart will be the "ideal woman", who does not take undue advantage of my culinary skills.

October 24, 2005 12:32 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Iyer: Read carefully. "Last week I decided to take on the final frontier." So I am alive after my lst week heroics. 7 days I think is good enough time given to any "late-reactions".
So you like cooking eh? Lets exchange recipes.

October 24, 2005 12:35 AM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

Apoo, you are SO right! I agree when u say, 'nothing is sexier to a woman than a man who can cook'. Well i CANT cook at all!! And im sick of my nani telling me everytime "beta, learn some least fish curry! What will your in-laws say if they come to know that you can't cook??"

Arrey, heck the in-laws i say! Simpler solution- marry a man who can cook! And then i can learn from him.... if its necessary at all! ;)

October 24, 2005 12:47 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

YES! I have a supporter. Let me start a new "Men Should Cook" movement.
But Medha, seriously, learn to cook. Its awesome fun. At least learn to cook Maggi! ;) The fish curry will follow. I tell ya, you gotta live alone on a low budget. Enuff money to buy veggies from the market but not enough to eat out everyday! Thats when you learn how to cook. U r just too spoilt :P
BTW, can u get me that recipe from your nani?

October 24, 2005 12:54 AM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

OMG! I got another person nagging at me. hehe. Arrey, i will learn re. Really. I wouldnt be a complete bengali if i cant cook yummy fish curry or make some mishti doi (sweet yoghurt). But you know, right now its not really necessary for me to cook. know...YES ok, i'm SPOILT.

But on a serious note, i think i will automatically learn to cook once i start with hostel life.

By the way, i can cook maggi ok! I'm not that pathetic. Idiot! :p
And yeah, will get that recipe for seriously want it?

October 24, 2005 1:02 AM  
Blogger Drops Of Jupiter said...

Apoo, that was superb yaar. Kudoes to you. You will make one fine fine husband!

I am a very good cook, so I am quite sceptical about men who claim they can cook, but somehow I am convinced about you...(somein about those kababs, they look so presentable..)

October 24, 2005 1:32 AM  
Anonymous Brad said...

What exactly is that 'thing' that's wrapped on what I think is somebody's thumb, in that picture!?

Your advice about cooking has been acted on previously, but somehow didn't quite evoke the same reactions. Hmmm. :-|

October 24, 2005 1:32 AM  
Anonymous deepak said...

Well, I cook my own food here - part of the majboori that came along with staying alone...but now i can whip up much more than decent dishes! (Madame Mahima, got the hint ;-)) LOL )

October 24, 2005 5:32 AM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

Great!!!I'll repeat myself....Apoorva, u can call me Karina/Katrina...

October 24, 2005 6:41 AM  
Blogger Demi Goddezz said...

Apoo:OMG so many followers .. Its true .. There is a separate fun in cooking and also seeing the peole who u cooked for eating DIL BHAR KE ...(ok ok I know what comments are coming next..)

October 24, 2005 8:21 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

uh deepak i think EVERYONE got the hint buddy :P

apoo so true! why do u think i have a major crush on anthony bourdain? nothin sexier than a man who knows his way around the kitchen..of course i still have to be the better of the two cooks. coz i'll probably have the bigger ego of the two :P

uh..salmon kebabs eh...tell u what. how about YOU eat them...and do everyone a favour and NOT serve them to anyone?

October 24, 2005 10:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ajo Sir there is nothing as 0 % body fat ...the best tht u can get to is 7 % body fat ...

Dude find a way to a woman's heart ....stay there for sometime ....n then move on ....don't be a perment resident ..
varity is the spice of life ...


October 24, 2005 11:07 AM  
Anonymous Pixel8 said...

wallahi! try something veggie next time pls!!! :)

btw... they serve biryani here in jails...
getting arrested wouldn't be so bad, would it? :)

October 24, 2005 3:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hope that doesn't translate as "way to a woman's fart" (after eating the kebaab)

kiddin man ... u cook well

u do home deli?

October 24, 2005 4:36 PM  
Blogger Anita Pillai said...

Apoo..Will u Marry me????

What I would give to marry a guy who loves to cook..sigh! :(

October 24, 2005 6:29 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Wow! Those are some mixed reactions above.

Medha: Yeah, why not? Mail in the recipe. Lets see if its something I have not tried out yet.

Jups: Welcome. And I wont make a fine husband. I'll make a fine cook. I am the guy ya Mom warned you about!

Brad: I was wondering who would observe. I could count on ya! Thats very much my thumb and that wrapping is band-aid. But trust me, the food is salmon. Not cut thumbs! (did I just turn everyone off?)

Deepak: I know, practice makes a man perfect. I wonder why they dont say that about women? I guess they are already perfect. In their own eyes :P

Smithy: U double dholkii. Double timer!!!

Winny: So when do you wanna practice what you said?

Mahi, my dear. When a man cooks, let him cook. Dont let your cooking... I mean ego spoil the food.

Amit: Lets aim for 0, we'll a least get to 7.

Pixel: Me coming to UAE. Know someone u wanna kill?

Abhi: I am thinking of opening a joint besides Happy. Serve cocktails like the J-ka-J with kababs and the worx.

Anita: Congratulations dear. You get to be the first woman ever to ask me that! If I say yes, I feel my life threatened by J's presence. Hence by saying "No", I'll just let J suffer :P
Okie, how about I dont marry you, but just cook for you?

October 24, 2005 9:52 PM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

Huh??? Whatever did I do?

October 25, 2005 12:12 AM  
Blogger iyer education said...

do i see a trend of outsourcing cooking too?

apoo: are you reversing the trend of all outsourced activities to USA? have you been paid by the beureaucrats to do that? outsourcing hub has to be in india... hence bird will do the cooking for all of the people who wanted apoo to cook for them :)

October 25, 2005 12:13 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Smithy: Do not act innocent. read the comments of your comparatively speakign post on XXfactor.
Double Dholkii!

Iyer: Brilliant. I did not think of this. Outsourcing cooking to USA. Heh!!
Bird and cooking.... what should we expect. Asparagus with Ash dip?

October 25, 2005 12:18 AM  
Blogger iyer education said...

apoo: you aint getting the point... bird is very good at grasping a lot of things... let me explain this to you... a couple of shayari's on winny's post made bird a "choti ka shayar"... now a couple of posts on heartcurry about curry will actually make him a "bawarchi" of the first order... stop underestimating bird ;)

October 25, 2005 12:27 AM  
Blogger Demi Goddezz said...

haa..Nice we are giving BIRD a complete Makeover...

October 25, 2005 12:40 AM  
Blogger Mayank said...

Beware apoorva: ur dooming the future of ALOT of guys by going public abt ur culinery skills.

Lives legally in the US (check)..
Has a good Job (who cares as long as earnings are in Dollar.. check)..
Has aamir khans Dil Chahta hai goti ... check
and cooks..(THATS it ... no more looking now .. he is the ONE destined to be with our susheel beti.)


someone(s) meeting ur folks... and well ur folks(f) proudly stating "U know.. our son can cook !!"..
s: *gasps* really ... thats so nice.. have you considered getting him married?
f: *look at each other..rather puzzled*
s: I think ur son and mine should meet and get to know each other a lil bit more.. once they like each other what more can we ask for.. (*thinking* i hope that entitles my son for green card)

Save us all!! we cant let this go public.. people cant know that guys have gotten beyond the point where they considered making a toast as cooking and boiled egg as a cuisine.
It in ur hands now bro.. save the mankind!

October 25, 2005 1:11 AM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

"I think ur son and mine should meet and get to know each other a lil bit more.. once they like each other what more can we ask for.. "

Whhhaaaaaaat??? OMG!! Sounded SO SO SO scandalous! Geeez! *laughs*

October 25, 2005 1:38 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Iyer, I know Bird since he was born, or rather, since he started smoking. He is good at grasping, but bad at implementing. Plus, he sucks at multi-tasking (I know, his wifes gonna hate him).
So he can do one thing at a time. Do you want "Bird the smoker poet" (like Kisna the Warrior poet") or Bird the cook. Tell him to do both and he will write recipes which rhyme!

Winny, your poetry is to be blamed!

Mayank: You think this tastes as good as it looks?
* Guy in USA (check)
* Losing hair(check)
* Gaining weight (check)
* Is straight (check)
* Ignored by girls (check)
* Lies on blog about cooking and makes up fake photos as a last means of pataoing chicks (check)

Now you see, I am not saving mankind... am just saving "my kinds".


Women, dont read the above,

Medha, have you seen Russell Peters? "Our son is gay. We should find him a nice boy. Preferably with a big closet"

October 25, 2005 1:50 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

mayank that was hilarious..i can imagine apoo looking all coy and bashful heheehe

dont let the ego spoil the cooking eh. thanks man.

i think EVERYONE should watch russel'll understand the indian culture SO much more better!

October 25, 2005 3:43 AM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

HAHA! Yeah i've watched Russell Peters. Thanks to Mayank for that actually. He's just hillarious!=D

October 25, 2005 4:01 AM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

Apoo!!! I just spoke to Shreya and she said you actually spoke to her..haha..I didnt believe you when you said that you did. Thought you were making that up!!! :p

And you said she was like, "who Medha?"..IDIOT! :p

Heard you didnt know what to say when she asked you how you know me.. LOL! Can understand..*laughs* =)

October 25, 2005 4:10 AM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

Uh....I was just researching the male-female dynamics for furthur posts. It was a purely intellectual exercise!!

Also, don't u mean 'dhokebaaz' or something like that....i thought dholkii was some variation of the dholak.

October 25, 2005 4:21 AM  
Blogger Demi Goddezz said...

Apoo:Now u have some serious multitaskign to do ;)

October 25, 2005 8:31 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Mahi: I think you should go and stay in the villages of Ratnagiri for 2 months and then trek to manasarover. You'll know Indian culture much better!

Medha: Grrrr...!! I was gonna write a post for that. Actually I have it all drafted and am just waiting for my friends to mail in the pics!! Grrrr!! U took the fun away!

Smithy: Double dholkii it is. You can play a dholak from 2 sides.... its somethign on those lines... which leads to double timer.

Winny: I am good at that. Better than the Pentium Centrino!

October 25, 2005 5:51 PM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

OH...wellll..ahem..*thinking of what to say*.. No worries Apoo..i'm sure evryone is desperately waiting for that post. So, i didnt take the fun away!! No i didnt. I said i dint...Pppfft!

Okok *murmurs under her breath*..Am sorry!Geeez!

October 25, 2005 7:11 PM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

You have trekked to Mansarovar??? Man, i have always wanted to!! Its a grogeous place isnt it? Sheeesh, im jealous now!

October 25, 2005 8:57 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Now, I didnt say that.

I just say Mahi should go there and stay there..... for good!!! :P

October 25, 2005 10:02 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

goddamn you apoo.
i curse u to a life of eating boiled rice and salad at every.single.meal.

and THEN i hope u get transferred to the village of ratnagiri.
and i HOPE that place has no running water and no INTERNET

October 25, 2005 11:17 PM  
Blogger iyer education said...

apoo: ratnagiri is a good tullee cum good food joint at lokhandwala... if madame is referring to that place... then you will have fun (ofcourse without the internet)

madame: i just wish u used the word bihar instead of ratnagiri... all other clauses would have come automatically... apoo is right... you need some dosage of india...

October 25, 2005 11:58 PM  
Blogger Mayank said...

LOL apoorva, lemme bring you in touch with reality:

1) Guy in USA- check
reality check: DESI in USA with a VALID visa.. (all further points rejected :P... subject is already OVER Qualified)

rumpel: cmon Bihar aint that bad..they have internet which runs with the speed of smoke signals. What would have helped mahima was sending apoorva to Ahemdabad wearing a tshirt with the photo of the Salmon tikaas he made..with printed words "Purely NonVeg" written all over it.
Think abt it .. i was there for work for two day and was a social outcast just for asking where i might find McD's which served Non-veg. doh
*rest of the clauses will hence be FORCED upon the guilty*

and well siding with apoorva.. all desi's need a dosage of RURAL india. Send them all there with no paper towels and hand them a Lota.(metal pot used to store water)

October 26, 2005 1:46 AM  
Blogger Demi Goddezz said...

Mahi:hun jus dont listen to them...

October 26, 2005 1:50 AM  
Blogger Medha.. said...


Mayank, that was hillarious! LOL!

And yeah true. A taste of rural india and thats all you need to know about indian culture. =D

October 26, 2005 2:53 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Mahi, I said you should be sent to Ratnagiri and now you wish even I was in Ratnagiri. Okie babes, I know you cant do without me. Dont go public about it.... just yet!

Iyer: L'wala ratnagiri is just what I had in mind. Madame Mahi needs to come to that one for our tullee sessions and promfret fry. Thats best exposure to Indian culture.

Mayank: LOL. Cant really deny the visa part. Or the lota part!

Lets send Mahi to rural India withput the lota. That'll teach her more than Indian culture!

October 26, 2005 4:11 AM  
Blogger infected said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

October 26, 2005 10:24 AM  
Blogger Neetal said...

Linked This post of yours, on my blog.. Just for your FYI. In case you start getting proposals from some of my friends.... however, most of them are well behaved and some read and never comment even if I threatened them have no worries.

If they do... I will take care of it!

October 04, 2007 2:46 AM  

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