Thursday, October 06, 2005

Oops! I Bally'd Again

Pyscho man. Yes. There is a Psycho man in Bally's (No, its not me that I am talking about!!). Indian guy, looks in the 40's. Walks with a hunch, has a moustache and eyes which keep darting left - right all the time. And he zeroes in on me.

I have probably come across him some five times in all. Following are random parts of his talks with me. And trust me, he speaks just as random as it sounds here. He'll ask you questions outta nowhere.

"Where are you from? I am from Chandigarh, Block D58."

"So are you married?"

"I feel like having some idli and dosa today"

"You need a shave"

"I can give you a hair-cut"

"So are you married?"

"Is this girl your girlfriend?"

"I am an Engineer"

"So are you married?"

"Look, Superman"

Ok, I made that last one up.

Once (P)sycho man happened to meet my equally psycho (R)oomie and (M)e in the locker room.

It started off with him walking towards us and then darting his eyes left to right and back, looped into infinity.

R: Hey man, how are you?
P: Mujhe Angrezi nahi Aati. (Translate: I dont know english)
R: Oh, even I dont know English.
M: (laughing) *thinking this is gonna be fun*
P: Mai tujhe suee (injection) lagaoo? (Translate: Can I give u an injection?)
R: Huh?
P: Repeats above, then says something in Punjabi.
R: Replies something in Punjabi, psycho man is shocked.
P: Something more in Punjabi.
R: (Looks at me) Is he mad?

Psycho man walks away.

R: I think he must be a doctor in around John Hopkins.

Few months later. I am working out checking out girls when psycho man walks to me.

P: U need to shave.
M: Uh, yeah. (and u need to be hospitalized!!)
P: You married?
M: No. (just for the record, that was the sixth time)
P: How old are you?
M: 26.
P: So you are not married?
M: No. (Unless something happened to my bachelor status in the last five seconds)

Just then this Indian (G)irl, looked like in early twenties, walks up to us. And she makes me go all ga-ga. Its difficult to descibe her, but call her a cross breed between Adriana Lima and Preity Zinta (I know, I know, its hard to imagine. Its hard to describe too).

P: Hi
G: Hello
M: (thinking: Yes... it all connects now. He makes sure I am not married and wants to hook me up with his daughter. He could be Mr. Dane. Its finally paid off. Talking to psycho man has paid off!)

P: Meet my wife.
M: No(open mouth, thinking, no cant be. Mistake. Its Daughter. Has to be)
P: Huh?
M: No no... I thought you are asking me again if I am married. (looking at his wife) Why does he keep asking me if I am married?
P: Ha ha! Funny man!
G: *Giggles*

So me and this girl have a very sane and sensible conversation. She was very normal, not psycho at all. And I was very tempted to ask in the end, "Was that wife or daughter?"

Life sucks! And I am loving it! Also, I am growing a moustache, practicing the "dart my eyes left to right into infinity", asking random questions to strangers and waiting till I turn 40.


Blogger Bird said...

Grow a moustache. Check.
Ask random questions. Check.
Smoke till yo look like 40. Check.

Still Single!!

Appoo, wont work.

October 06, 2005 10:35 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Maybe we should move to Chandigarh, block D58?

October 06, 2005 10:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

appu some ppl are born lucky they will do all the wrong things n still have it right....
U r a born loser ...try whtever u want ...grow a moustache, lose some more hair but u will still be same ....
I guess U should send your story to the makers of 40 year old virgin...they will get inspired to make a sequel.....It will be called 41 year old and still a virgin…..
If guess a close friend of us will totally agree to this comment ……

October 06, 2005 11:39 AM  
Anonymous Winny said...

Awwww Apoo so now does that count as 182 ....

October 06, 2005 2:42 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Winny: I think your "sources" have given you the wrong meaning of that number. And no, its less than 182.

October 06, 2005 2:51 PM  
Anonymous Winny said...

hmm my sources ... well dunno dunno abt all taht ... jus tell me offline.. i promise i wont tell anyone...

October 06, 2005 10:29 PM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

Arrey Apoo, why do these psycho men target only you??? Hmm, there must be SOME apparant reason :p

And why aren't you married yet? Though 26 is not THAT old.. but unable to find a pretty, homely maharashtrian mulgi kya? Kahe toh main help karoo? hehe


October 06, 2005 11:48 PM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

I'm telling you...forget the hairdos, just concentrate on that lifejacket!

October 07, 2005 12:19 AM  
Blogger iyer education said...


the matchmakers wont leave you will they, and why do psychos get attracted to you, i thought only dogs did...

just think about a situation when you come across a dog that is a psycho... what will happen then? will he make a match for you with his daughter / sister?

and what is 182? the count of misses (also pronounced as mrs) that you had in your life ?

October 07, 2005 4:42 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

OKie Winny, will do!

Medha: Sure. And she neednt be pretty or maharastrian (yeah, should be girl!!)
Actually, I heard you were looking to get married yourself.... ? ahem

Smithy: Point taken. Also I heard your parents are looking to get you married?

Mahi, dont read any of the above

Iyer: Well, I think you might as well ask Winny what 182 is. No, its not the misses (mrs) missed. I think I might actually do well with psycho dogs.

October 07, 2005 8:46 AM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

haha! Apoo, how can you ask me that question and ask someone else the same thing..that too in front of me...!!! SOB! And mahi, you will get better guys than apoo. Look what is he doing behind your back!!

October 07, 2005 9:12 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Dumb Me!

See Smithy, its not the hairdo... or the lifejacket. Its my lack of brains!

Know any women who find dumb Indian guy hot?

October 07, 2005 9:18 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Err... mahi.... dont read any of the above.

October 07, 2005 9:21 AM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

Tch tch! Sad..Mahi, a word of caution- stay away frm apoo! He's one confused soul! :p:p

October 07, 2005 9:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can list down two things here:
1) pops has his work cut for sure (with mahi? and/or rest of the world) after this plunge into neverland
2) Think bird n I had a theory on this psycho attraction phenomenon (something which cracked the canine riddle too) ... unfortunately i don't remember them anymore ... pretty sure Bird doesnt either (it over IB i think ... )

but anyways ... pops u need to go bald again ... and lose the lifejacket

medha: mahi is a smart gurl

smithy: apoo needs lifesupport

iyer/winny: dont believe the dog theory for 182 ... the count for dogs was 1000+ in Mumbai alone

October 07, 2005 10:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To add to the the +182 theory (and to counter possible justifications from apoo):

"No Apoo (before you say it), the count for dogs (creaming you) still stands at +1000 (or 1000+). Unless of course some of them came to you to apologise for their behaviour (and u crossed em' off that list), which is beyond all qualms ... not likely!!

Come to think of it, this could also be the number of weirdo's you've met (although that seems like a small number too)

October 07, 2005 5:01 PM  
Anonymous Winny said...

Apoo:Well Well i still stick to 182 ...

Abs ur theory doesnt make to define?/

October 07, 2005 11:38 PM  
Blogger iyer education said...

and i thought chocolate was a confused movie... this post is gettin confusing too... confuser than chocolate...

apoo you shud be penalised for bringing around such confusion... now i am not sure if you are proposing women or dogs or psychos? care to explain!!!

October 07, 2005 11:48 PM  
Blogger Bird said...

Appoo will Block # 59 do?

Abs, all I remember is that rum has got something to do with Dogs' love for Appoo.

Iyer, kalti master.

October 07, 2005 11:59 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...


*throws a plate at apoo*

damn you!!
you thought i wouldn't find out about your adultery huh.

the wedding is SO off.

*chucks apoo's porn stash out the window*

October 08, 2005 1:07 PM  
Anonymous Brad said...

Dude, this is too funny to be true, man! You gotta be kiddn me.

*Picks up the stash on the pavement and walks off*

October 08, 2005 4:39 PM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

*medha passes more plates to mahi to throw at Apoo*

*And also a broom*

Whack him Mahi!! I'm with ya!

October 09, 2005 1:50 AM  
Blogger couchpotato said...

Laughed my rear end off, reading this post!
Do such people still exist? Psychos with sexy wives? And people who bump into them all the time? ;)

October 09, 2005 3:16 AM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

Mahima, wedding????????? When you say its "so off" do you mean as opposed to "still on" or "slightly off"??

Apoo, not to regards women who find dumb Indian men hot, there's a sizeable population. They are called Indian women.

Medha, I'd hand you the rolling pin if I wasn't chasing my exes down with it already....i'm all for men harrasment!

Now you know why he needs the life jacket, Abhi.

October 09, 2005 6:17 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

smithy its like SO totally off.
(thanks medha :P)

October 09, 2005 10:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Smithy: Yea life support comes after, i suppose

October 09, 2005 10:53 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Abbs: Please dont drink and comment on this blog! How could u even think of dawgs apologizing to moi?

Winny: Nothing Abbs says makes sense. And 182 is all wrong!

Bird: Think. I wanna know that rum and dog connection. And yes, B59 will do, just that 49 comes on way! Hence all shall be screened and tested!

Iyer: Women, dogs and psychos. Do I see a relation here?

Mahi: Muh love.... no no no no... please please.... dont. Gimme the porn back!

Brad: Seriously! If u drop by Baltimore, I'll introduce him to ya! And yeah... if u do drop by... carry that stash with ya!

Medha: Only if all had friends like ya!

Couchie, just wait. Wait till use see Pals wife! I am sure she'll be hot for the psycho that he is!

Hey Smithy... so what kinda harrasement are u into? Maybe I'll let ya harrass me! :D

Abhi: Worry not. I have my life support. She is called Adriana Lima!

Ok, I am swamped at work... tata people!

October 10, 2005 5:38 PM  
Blogger Nicole said...

More Apoo bashing happening here and I missed it :(

I should join Bally's too. Any sizzling guys out there Apoo?

October 10, 2005 6:57 PM  
Anonymous Winny said...

Apoo & Mahi :Great fun watching ur bashing techniques...think i could learn frm u guys..

Abs:Why arent u making sense to anyone these days...Whats gotten into u ...Go back and define everything now..

October 10, 2005 7:11 PM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

All kinds long as there's a smart guy involved..unfortunately I seem to be the one getting harassed each time :(!!

October 11, 2005 7:04 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

aww nicole, bashing apoo is a 24 hour service! anyones free to participate at any time =D no problemo!
apoo have i ever mentioned you're a perv?
oh yea! about 500 times now :P

October 11, 2005 7:51 AM  
Blogger Lord of all Things said...

ME: are u married??
U:(ohhno... here comes along another psycho!!)aa??
ME:are u married?
ME:(aloud) is he deaf or what??nutcase!!
U:(thanking god in relief!! at my interpretation of u and eager to get away):yes yes.. im deaf from birth!!

ive gone nuts .. i shud go off!!
gud post!!

October 11, 2005 7:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

October 11, 2005 10:03 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Amit, I am sorry I had to take your comment off. I dont think what you said about a certain someone was appropriate. Please refrain from doing so in the future.

October 11, 2005 1:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well it was just a comment to one of your previous comments ...which I thing was harmless....
anyways your blog u do wht u feel like...keep it or remove it makes no difference
- Amit

October 11, 2005 4:40 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Nicole: I am the only sizzling guy around there. And you dont hafta join Ballys if u wanna meet me! ;)

Winny, I could teach ya. I charge $100/hr tho!

Ahh Smithy, we'll have a harassment session when I come down to Mumbai!

Yeah yeah Mahi... I am one. Bite me!

Lord: I would never act deaf if a female asks me if I were married. I'd lay out my bio-data.

October 11, 2005 5:48 PM  

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