Oops! I Bally'd Again

Pyscho man. Yes. There is a Psycho man in Bally's (No, its not me that I am talking about!!). Indian guy, looks in the 40's. Walks with a hunch, has a moustache and eyes which keep darting left - right all the time. And he zeroes in on me.

I have probably come across him some five times in all. Following are random parts of his talks with me. And trust me, he speaks just as random as it sounds here. He'll ask you questions outta nowhere.

"Where are you from? I am from Chandigarh, Block D58."

"So are you married?"

"I feel like having some idli and dosa today"

"You need a shave"

"I can give you a hair-cut"

"So are you married?"

"Is this girl your girlfriend?"

"I am an Engineer"

"So are you married?"

"Look, Superman"

Ok, I made that last one up.

Once (P)sycho man happened to meet my equally psycho (R)oomie and (M)e in the locker room.

It started off with him walking towards us and then darting his eyes left to right and back, looped into infinity.

R: Hey man, how are you?
P: Mujhe Angrezi nahi Aati. (Translate: I dont know english)
R: Oh, even I dont know English.
M: (laughing) *thinking this is gonna be fun*
P: Mai tujhe suee (injection) lagaoo? (Translate: Can I give u an injection?)
R: Huh?
P: Repeats above, then says something in Punjabi.
R: Replies something in Punjabi, psycho man is shocked.
P: Something more in Punjabi.
R: (Looks at me) Is he mad?

Psycho man walks away.

R: I think he must be a doctor in around John Hopkins.



Few months later. I am working out checking out girls when psycho man walks to me.

P: U need to shave.
M: Uh, yeah. (and u need to be hospitalized!!)
P: You married?
M: No. (just for the record, that was the sixth time)
P: How old are you?
M: 26.
P: So you are not married?
M: No. (Unless something happened to my bachelor status in the last five seconds)

Just then this Indian (G)irl, looked like in early twenties, walks up to us. And she makes me go all ga-ga. Its difficult to descibe her, but call her a cross breed between Adriana Lima and Preity Zinta (I know, I know, its hard to imagine. Its hard to describe too).

P: Hi
G: Hello
M: (thinking: Yes... it all connects now. He makes sure I am not married and wants to hook me up with his daughter. He could be Mr. Dane. Its finally paid off. Talking to psycho man has paid off!)

P: Meet my wife.
M: No(open mouth, thinking, no cant be. Mistake. Its Daughter. Has to be)
P: Huh?
M: No no... I thought you are asking me again if I am married. (looking at his wife) Why does he keep asking me if I am married?
P: Ha ha! Funny man!
G: *Giggles*

So me and this girl have a very sane and sensible conversation. She was very normal, not psycho at all. And I was very tempted to ask in the end, "Was that wife or daughter?"

Life sucks! And I am loving it! Also, I am growing a moustache, practicing the "dart my eyes left to right into infinity", asking random questions to strangers and waiting till I turn 40.