Desi Bonding

There is something about us desis, aint it? We come across as perfectly normal people. But we are not. Inside us, there is that one entity, which puts paranormal to shame. The entity which runs outta control when we see a fellow Indian in the most unexpected place.

I had been shifted to a new office (moving offices is such a pain). And it so happens, this Indian female lands up right next to my office. Now normally, if I meet you in the mall, or market, or movies, and I dont know you, I would still say HI, or look your way and smile. If you are a sardarjee, I would shout "Oyeeee Paape" and give you a hug and do the Bhangra (All this if I see a surd in USA). Basically, do the desi bonding bit. But at work, you set certain boundaries. You can be all pally and crack jokes, but always knock when you enter the other persons room. Leave him alone when he is eating in office. Asking a question when the other person is on the phone is BAD!

O, where was I? So, I had just moved and said Hello to my neighbour, who somehow seemed delighted to see a Desi.

Next, I was eating a banana. In the private confines of my room. Till suddenly Madame Desi (MD) decides to walk in. Actually, almost run in. With no warning. It almost made me think of clawing up a Speed Limit sign on my door... and dreaming of a prospective gold for India in the olympics. Errr... how about knocking dear? So I am eating a banana and I suddenly find this person in front of me.

MD: "Got another banana?"

Me: "Uhhh... sorry, this is the only one I have"

MD: "Ok"

She walks out.

As I repeatedly go over this conversation, I keep praying someone passing by did not hear us.

But let me get back to the crux of the matter. Why walk into a fellow desis room, who you hardly know, and ask for a banana? And then walk out. You mean, you came in to ask for a banana? How did you know I had a banana?


Next. Madame Desi walks runs into my room. Once again no knocking. I am all into working on some stuff when a loud "excuse me" startles me.

MD: Can you take out my ring?

Shows me her hands which are all black from the whiteboard marker stains.

MD: If I remove it, the diamonds will get the black color and then its difficult to wash it out.

Uhhh... ok. So I very uncomfortably remove the ring.

Weird weird weird!


And the last one takes the cake.

MD: I am feeling scared (I wont repeat here that she walked ran in without knocking and shouted in my ears).
Me: Huh...?
MD: I went to the bathroom. And there is someone standing there.
Me: Huh...?
MD: The bathroom. You know how the ladies room is right? I went in and the compartment next to mine, I could see the legs of this person. And the person was just standing. No noise, nothing. Just standing.
Me: Huh...?
MD: So I just came out like that only. I am scared.

[startThought]
Ok lady, I mean, seriously. What do you expect? I go into the ladies room and ask some person why the eff is s/he standing and not making any noise or doing anything?
[/endThought]

Me: Yeah, the ladies room is haunted by a ghost who died trying to pee. Well, you could call security, or there is a restroom on the third floor. You could use that.
MD: I donno, I am scared.

[startThought]
Okay, so now what? I accompany you to the loo and hold your hand?
Also, as per my childhood theory, if you are scared, it'll make you pee. So please move out of my room.
[/endThought]

Me: Well............
MD: I'll go to the third floor.

There Abbs, you wanna compete on who knows more psychos?