Thursday, October 20, 2005

Desi Bonding

There is something about us desis, aint it? We come across as perfectly normal people. But we are not. Inside us, there is that one entity, which puts paranormal to shame. The entity which runs outta control when we see a fellow Indian in the most unexpected place.

I had been shifted to a new office (moving offices is such a pain). And it so happens, this Indian female lands up right next to my office. Now normally, if I meet you in the mall, or market, or movies, and I dont know you, I would still say HI, or look your way and smile. If you are a sardarjee, I would shout "Oyeeee Paape" and give you a hug and do the Bhangra (All this if I see a surd in USA). Basically, do the desi bonding bit. But at work, you set certain boundaries. You can be all pally and crack jokes, but always knock when you enter the other persons room. Leave him alone when he is eating in office. Asking a question when the other person is on the phone is BAD!

O, where was I? So, I had just moved and said Hello to my neighbour, who somehow seemed delighted to see a Desi.

Next, I was eating a banana. In the private confines of my room. Till suddenly Madame Desi (MD) decides to walk in. Actually, almost run in. With no warning. It almost made me think of clawing up a Speed Limit sign on my door... and dreaming of a prospective gold for India in the olympics. Errr... how about knocking dear? So I am eating a banana and I suddenly find this person in front of me.

MD: "Got another banana?"

Me: "Uhhh... sorry, this is the only one I have"

MD: "Ok"

She walks out.

As I repeatedly go over this conversation, I keep praying someone passing by did not hear us.

But let me get back to the crux of the matter. Why walk into a fellow desis room, who you hardly know, and ask for a banana? And then walk out. You mean, you came in to ask for a banana? How did you know I had a banana?

Next. Madame Desi walks runs into my room. Once again no knocking. I am all into working on some stuff when a loud "excuse me" startles me.

MD: Can you take out my ring?

Shows me her hands which are all black from the whiteboard marker stains.

MD: If I remove it, the diamonds will get the black color and then its difficult to wash it out.

Uhhh... ok. So I very uncomfortably remove the ring.

Weird weird weird!

And the last one takes the cake.

MD: I am feeling scared (I wont repeat here that she walked ran in without knocking and shouted in my ears).
Me: Huh...?
MD: I went to the bathroom. And there is someone standing there.
Me: Huh...?
MD: The bathroom. You know how the ladies room is right? I went in and the compartment next to mine, I could see the legs of this person. And the person was just standing. No noise, nothing. Just standing.
Me: Huh...?
MD: So I just came out like that only. I am scared.

Ok lady, I mean, seriously. What do you expect? I go into the ladies room and ask some person why the eff is s/he standing and not making any noise or doing anything?

Me: Yeah, the ladies room is haunted by a ghost who died trying to pee. Well, you could call security, or there is a restroom on the third floor. You could use that.
MD: I donno, I am scared.

Okay, so now what? I accompany you to the loo and hold your hand?
Also, as per my childhood theory, if you are scared, it'll make you pee. So please move out of my room.

Me: Well............
MD: I'll go to the third floor.

There Abbs, you wanna compete on who knows more psychos?


Blogger Demi Goddezz said...

Oh god that cracked me up... Apoo forst of all how on earth is it possibly possible that SHE came and asked U for a banana..????/

Again SHE comes in and talk to U when She is scared.. something is just not right here...


October 20, 2005 6:39 PM  
Blogger Arpi said...

OH. MY. GOD! This is too hilarious. Do such people actually exist? How can you interpret these incidents in such a humorous manner?

October 20, 2005 7:07 PM  
Blogger Arpi said...

Just noticed.
JOSHINIZER: Killing you Softly with this blog...
Hehehehehe! How do you come up with these one liners?

October 20, 2005 7:09 PM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

Man! That was just...HILLARIOUS!

Especially the part where she came to complain about the person in the loo. LOL!!!

Apoo, one liner is superb too.. seriously, how do u come up with such stuff ?!


October 20, 2005 8:24 PM  
Anonymous Brad said...

Askin' for a Banana!? Are you sure, she wasn't tryn to be metaphorical over here?

Askin' you to take out her ring!? You sure, she wasn't hinting at getting a 'ring' from you!?

Dude! How much straightforward does a girl have to be with you to get you alone in the loo...duh! :P

October 20, 2005 8:36 PM  
Anonymous deepakjeswal said...

ROFL ... err, she asks for a banana [startThought] DJ, stop imagining vulgar thoughts [/endThought], then talks about rings, and then nearly invites u to the, u sure she hasnt been implanted by one of those uncles in ur office , just to hook ya ? ;-))

October 20, 2005 11:45 PM  
Anonymous deepakjeswal said...

Read ur previous post today, left a comment there as well :)

October 20, 2005 11:53 PM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

You're asking if he's sure??? Why, I'm sure...the lady's expressing her interest. Think about the cues.....

1. Wants your banana
2. Wants you to take off her...ring
3. Invites you to the loo.

How much clearer can it get???

October 21, 2005 12:31 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Winny, you tell me. Is the hair o tempting?

Arpi, the one liners. Years of experience. They dont work when required tho'. ;)

Medha, tell me about it. Its all very weird!

Brad, yeah, even I have been trying to wonder about that metaphorical part. Just the reason why I hope no one overheard that conversation.

DJ: fortunately none of those uncles work around in my office. The matchmaking is restricted to Bally's.

Okie people, gotta go buy some bananas.

October 21, 2005 12:33 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Smithy, she is happily married.

I know, I know, doesnt change a thing!

October 21, 2005 12:36 AM  
Blogger Demi Goddezz said...

Apoo? tempting? I guess for Her....Gawwd .. Porr girl ..kya karta hein tu???

October 21, 2005 12:38 AM  
Blogger iyer education said...

lucky man yaar... dont you get it... you call this wierd... we just decided to have and you get your first "hit"...

now i myself am gonna eat bananas, keep staring at rings and stand outside ladies' room to get any cues... thanks for the info sharing man ;)

October 21, 2005 4:56 AM  
Blogger garfy said...

I envy you... Atleast there exist people at your workplace who can be deemed as amusing psychos.... and you can have food at your workplace... Its Ramadan here! :(

PS:All the creepy desis you meet, send them my way... I can put them all to good use! *mwahahahaha*

PPS: Happy blog aaniversary... Congratulations to all those who survived you for a year :P

October 21, 2005 6:44 AM  
Anonymous Pixel8 said...

banana ---> ring ---> visit to the washroom!!!
everything falls in place, nahin? ;)

October 21, 2005 9:01 AM  
Anonymous Amey said...

Hillarious stuff !!! Soooo ... did something happen today ?

October 21, 2005 9:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude this whole thing is made up ...Knowing u ...the moment she came to ask u for a banana ...u whould have locked your door n put a "do not disturb sign on it" ....

I like Ideasmith's comment ....
wht r u thinking dude cant get better than this ...or there could be abother posibility ...she has a dog in the restroom....

n how is this blog dedicated to AMRI ......may I ask ?

Hope to read something original next time ...

October 21, 2005 9:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn the last comment is by me n the appufind pappu one too

October 21, 2005 9:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pops: bro ... we need to talk man ...

there seems to be some serious denial issues here

October 21, 2005 9:52 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Iyer: Dont try it. It doesnt work. Seriously.

Garfoo: Yeah. I have considered sending all those psychos your way. that way at least you will write up a post!!

Pixel: Married woman. Does that break everything that fell into place?

Amey: LOL. No. Fortunately its not a batch job you gotta run everyday!

Abhi, yeah. I'll explain all those denials in detail. I have very valid reasons.

October 21, 2005 3:06 PM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

oh damn.....get back to the gujju gals (or rather gujju-fathers-of-prospective-brides)....and leave the married ones out of your denials.

October 21, 2005 5:53 PM  
Blogger Bird said...

What is the possibility that this could be the reincarnation of the monkey that attacked us at Matheran?

Dint the monkey run into the bathroom as you were coming out.

The references to the banana, washroom, someone being in the washroom, being scared of someone (i think the last thing the monkey saw before entering the bathroom was pals). Only thing that does not fit in my small theory is the ring, i have no clue whether the said monkey was officially married.

I think that monkey, through the woman, is trying to make you go through the emotions a monkey experiences when its locked in a bathroom.

I say appoo go to the bathroom with the woman, maybe i'll live peacefully knowing that i did justice for a monkey.

October 22, 2005 12:37 AM  
Blogger couchpotato said...

Think she has a crush on you. Why else would she keep bumping into you like this? ;)

October 22, 2005 2:14 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

apoo that was hilarious! for the FIRST TIME you REALLY made me laugh (instead of those obligatory 'har-dee-har-har's u usually ellicit)
ok ok
so lets analyse this.
first she wants your banana. then she wants you to pull out her wedding ring. THEN she tells u she's 'oh-so-scared'

haven't you watched enough hindi movies to realise that she's trying to get into your bahon??
jeez boy.
stop being so goddamn oblivious!

but seriously..indians have a way of being incredibly rude without even realising it. ugh. we're so annoying sometimes!

October 22, 2005 8:01 AM  
Blogger Brewtus said...


October 23, 2005 9:49 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Idea: Will do!

Bird: U have inspired me.

Mahi: yeah. Will go to bathroom with her next time!

Bewtus: Thanks!

October 24, 2005 12:27 AM  
Blogger infected said...

Comments in a big hilarious blog post, bro.

October 26, 2005 10:27 AM  
Blogger icyblue said...

wow.... that i think was the best blog i've read till now.... keep the humourous writing going...!!

October 29, 2005 5:54 AM  

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