Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Bird Nadkarni: The Piping

"Bird is Dead". Nostalgia. When someone says Bird is dead, it conjures one image in my mind. Bakshi running on the terrace towards me, with those exact words - "Bird is Dead"

Since Bird refuses to blog about this incident which is etched in the history of Nandanvan, and Abbs is too lazy to do the same, I thought I should do so. It goes back to probably around 1999-2000, perhaps earlier. It was 14th of January. Makar Sankranti, which happens to be my favorite festival, was in full swing. Time was about 5 PM and all of Nandanvan was on the terrace.

Now the structure of Nandanvan then was such that we had two wings (Sections, which I dont know why we called wings). A wing and B wing. Each wing had a water tank on the terrace (which my Mom told me never to climb onto). So like any sane soul would, I was flying kites on the terrace while rest of the gang was sitting on the water tank.

I dont know what conversations followed, but someone challenged Bird to climb onto the tank using the water supply pipes which ran from the terrace to the tank. Despite not having indulged in any significant volumes of alcohol, unlike any sane person, Bird agreed to do so. So what followed was one of the most amazing spectacles of my life, which would put Demi Moore doing the pole dance in Striptease to shame. I was on the A-Wing side of the terrace. Rest of the gang was on B-wing. From what I could see was Bird, hanging onto a water pipe, struggling to pull his over weight self against gravity while rest of the juntaa looked down from the tank and egged him on. After a while I chose to ignore this view, which most people would call insane but us in Nandanvan would call Normal. I know you people are wondering how could I ever ignore this sight? I had reasons - and good ones, trust me. After a while it looked like Bird was trying to hump the pipe. And I never wanna see Bird hump anyone!

Minutes later, Bakshi runs to me. "Bird is Dead" he says. The first thought in my mind was Bird fell off the terrace. I looked in the direction of B-Wing water tank and found a spectacle which even Nandanvanites would call "Not so Normal". Bird was still hanging mid-way on the pipe, a good 10 feet from the ground. The only difference from the previous visual - The Pipe had burst open. Water was splurging out from it with a good degree of force. Bird was drenched but refused to let go of the pipe.

I looked at that spectacle, wondered if I should help Bird, or continue flying my kite. I chose to do the later, till I realized Mr. Talgeri and Mr. Shetty walk onto the terrace and Bakshi once again shouting - "Bird is Dead"

Now when the uncles come into the picture, its my gut instinct to swing into action. This is when Murphy's law kicked in. The terrace tiling over on B-Wing had been removed. So the water was seeping right into Talgeri's and Shetty's flat. TV gone, carpet gone, sofa gone... everything messed up. And you think Bird would be blamed for it? No! the Uncles look up at the sight of Bird clinging onto the pipe, trying to stop the water from splurging out and say something like, "What happened harshavardhan?" Harshavardhan is Birds elder brothers name. So to date, it was Harshvardhan who broke the pipe. And I am sure he is not even aware of it.

This incident went down in the history of Nandanvan as a significant landmark.... uh.. watermark. After this day no one was allowed to climb pipes. Bird was given a briefing on the laws of gravity and I was put forth as prime example of an ideal boy who did not climb water pipes and flew kites without causing harm to anyone. Lately Ketan Mehta was approached with this idea as the theme for his next movie - "Bird Nadkarni: The Piping". Its the Titanic, Mangal Pandey, Bhoot Banglaa and Maine Pyaar Kiya all put together. Bird is adept at climbing pipes. All he does is climbs pipes, till one day while climbing a pipe he notices a girl (for reasons unknown to me, lets call her VijayaLakshmi) on the opposite terrace and falls in love with her. But VijayaLakshmi's parents refuse to marry her to Bird (do you really want reasons?). So an angry Bird climbs the pipe which leads to VijayaLakshmi's house and breaks it, flooding her house. The girls parents cannot swim, and Bird rescues them and becomes a hero. Before marriage someone mentions about Bird being the one who broke the pipe and VijayaLakshmi feels cheated and refuses to marry. How Bird pipes her back is what follows.... I'll leave that part to Iyer.


Blogger Madame Mahima said...

That HAD to be fictional.

=S it HAD to be.
Normal people don't go hanging off water pipes.

Please tell me that was made-up.
(But even if it wasn't, it was hella funny =D)

September 07, 2005 8:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I seriously have issues about u putting up my photos on the net ...will like u not to do this


September 07, 2005 11:03 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Mahima: It was not made up. This blog is all about the truth. And Bird is NOT NORMAL (Iyer and Abbs will vouch for that), hence he has the right to hang off pipes.
You havent heard most of the paranormal Nanguys stories. Well... I am the comic in most of them so prolly you never will =)

Amit: Sorry, I was not aware of this. Should I take the last one out? Next time we meet I'll make u sign an agreement or something :)

September 07, 2005 5:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Bird is dead" still holds

Amit: You look like Montoya man ... u don't know how much you can make outta this discovery ...

start auditioning bhai ..

September 07, 2005 8:38 PM  
Anonymous tragicomix said...

bird is dead..long live the bird..

September 07, 2005 10:03 PM  
Blogger iyer education said...

never heard of this story before... quite interesting... both the real one and the "bird: the piping"...

just been to bird's ganpati last evening... he's not keeping well for the last couple of days... prolly he saw this post coming...

let the bird's soul (cosmic and otherwise) rest in peace

September 08, 2005 12:14 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Hmmm... Bird is not well? What happened? Losing feathers? I tell ya, he just wants to stay home and eat prasad. And Iyer... u were in Nandanvan??? Sniff. I wanna go too!! :(

September 08, 2005 12:35 AM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

Lol....if this is what life in the suburbs is, I wonder why you went west! Waiting for more nandanvan stories...

September 08, 2005 3:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

tragicomix: you forgot to precede "Kill the bird" to the rest of the lyric "bird is dead ... long live the bird"

smithy: stories are aplenty ... we won't be able to blog all of em ... as to why apoo chose to go west ... yes ... apoo we have another one of us asking you this ..

iyer: i will slap u if u forget historic moments like this. now go stand in the corner...

September 08, 2005 9:38 AM  
Blogger couchpotato said...

:lol: That was hilarious! Long live the Bird!

September 08, 2005 11:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi ajo
i guess u have one more story about poles ....
when r u coming out with tht


September 08, 2005 5:03 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Smithy: Like I mentioned. Most of the stories are me, and I am ashamed of most of them. So blogging about them is out of the question. Maybe Bird or Abbs can do that.
What made me go to the west? Didnt wanna see Bird hump no more pipes!

Abhi: I'll be baaaak! To the wild wild east. Maybe end of this year, perhaps next year!

Couchie: Yes, long live the Bird!

Amit: I think I will wait for you to start a blog and write up that story :)

September 08, 2005 10:11 PM  
Blogger iyer education said...

abhi: you have forgotten things more faster and quicker than i do... i have not forgotten this incident... this was never mentioned to me... now you go and stand in the corner with your hands holding your ears... (and you know i cant slap you because of height differences, but i can sure kick your ass)

apoo: you seem have a fetish with poles... ever thought of having pole vault as a career option... how abt "apoo boobka", the great pole dancer... errr... the great pole vaulter

September 09, 2005 12:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

iyer: why the you a speak like a ajay the kashikar?

September 09, 2005 10:08 PM  
Blogger KJ said...







waiting for Iyer to continue the sequel to this.... LOL


September 11, 2005 5:44 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

yes KJ. Me too! Iyeri... go for it!

September 11, 2005 3:31 PM  
Anonymous rumpelstiltskin said...


The Piping - II

September 13, 2005 3:38 AM  

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