Bird Nadkarni: The Piping

"Bird is Dead". Nostalgia. When someone says Bird is dead, it conjures one image in my mind. Bakshi running on the terrace towards me, with those exact words - "Bird is Dead"

Since Bird refuses to blog about this incident which is etched in the history of Nandanvan, and Abbs is too lazy to do the same, I thought I should do so. It goes back to probably around 1999-2000, perhaps earlier. It was 14th of January. Makar Sankranti, which happens to be my favorite festival, was in full swing. Time was about 5 PM and all of Nandanvan was on the terrace.

Now the structure of Nandanvan then was such that we had two wings (Sections, which I dont know why we called wings). A wing and B wing. Each wing had a water tank on the terrace (which my Mom told me never to climb onto). So like any sane soul would, I was flying kites on the terrace while rest of the gang was sitting on the water tank.

I dont know what conversations followed, but someone challenged Bird to climb onto the tank using the water supply pipes which ran from the terrace to the tank. Despite not having indulged in any significant volumes of alcohol, unlike any sane person, Bird agreed to do so. So what followed was one of the most amazing spectacles of my life, which would put Demi Moore doing the pole dance in Striptease to shame. I was on the A-Wing side of the terrace. Rest of the gang was on B-wing. From what I could see was Bird, hanging onto a water pipe, struggling to pull his over weight self against gravity while rest of the juntaa looked down from the tank and egged him on. After a while I chose to ignore this view, which most people would call insane but us in Nandanvan would call Normal. I know you people are wondering how could I ever ignore this sight? I had reasons - and good ones, trust me. After a while it looked like Bird was trying to hump the pipe. And I never wanna see Bird hump anyone!

Minutes later, Bakshi runs to me. "Bird is Dead" he says. The first thought in my mind was Bird fell off the terrace. I looked in the direction of B-Wing water tank and found a spectacle which even Nandanvanites would call "Not so Normal". Bird was still hanging mid-way on the pipe, a good 10 feet from the ground. The only difference from the previous visual - The Pipe had burst open. Water was splurging out from it with a good degree of force. Bird was drenched but refused to let go of the pipe.

I looked at that spectacle, wondered if I should help Bird, or continue flying my kite. I chose to do the later, till I realized Mr. Talgeri and Mr. Shetty walk onto the terrace and Bakshi once again shouting - "Bird is Dead"

Now when the uncles come into the picture, its my gut instinct to swing into action. This is when Murphy's law kicked in. The terrace tiling over on B-Wing had been removed. So the water was seeping right into Talgeri's and Shetty's flat. TV gone, carpet gone, sofa gone... everything messed up. And you think Bird would be blamed for it? No! the Uncles look up at the sight of Bird clinging onto the pipe, trying to stop the water from splurging out and say something like, "What happened harshavardhan?" Harshavardhan is Birds elder brothers name. So to date, it was Harshvardhan who broke the pipe. And I am sure he is not even aware of it.

This incident went down in the history of Nandanvan as a significant landmark.... uh.. watermark. After this day no one was allowed to climb pipes. Bird was given a briefing on the laws of gravity and I was put forth as prime example of an ideal boy who did not climb water pipes and flew kites without causing harm to anyone. Lately Ketan Mehta was approached with this idea as the theme for his next movie - "Bird Nadkarni: The Piping". Its the Titanic, Mangal Pandey, Bhoot Banglaa and Maine Pyaar Kiya all put together. Bird is adept at climbing pipes. All he does is climbs pipes, till one day while climbing a pipe he notices a girl (for reasons unknown to me, lets call her VijayaLakshmi) on the opposite terrace and falls in love with her. But VijayaLakshmi's parents refuse to marry her to Bird (do you really want reasons?). So an angry Bird climbs the pipe which leads to VijayaLakshmi's house and breaks it, flooding her house. The girls parents cannot swim, and Bird rescues them and becomes a hero. Before marriage someone mentions about Bird being the one who broke the pipe and VijayaLakshmi feels cheated and refuses to marry. How Bird pipes her back is what follows.... I'll leave that part to Iyer.