You Shop Till I Drop

Here is my advice to all you sane men out there. Never, and I repeat, Never go shopping with the woman-kind (why do they call them kind? They are a brutal mass of infinite energy when it comes to shopping. No kindness shown.).

When she asks, "What you doing this weekend?", say you are going to Tibet to take up Buddhism.

But NEVER.EVER.GO.SHOPPING.

Super Flow Boot Cut 518, Low Slouch Cuff 509, Boot Cut 515, Scoop Neck Top, Dip Dyed Flutter Sleeved Top. ... all these keep ringing in my ears. I wake up at night stammering numbers like 515, 509..... etc.

The next time some girl says, "Lets Chill", ask her to define "Chill" or just go sit in the freezer (bad joke!) but NEVER.EVER.GO.SHOPPING.

Chill can mean, walking the mall for some 6 hours, getting into every possible store (irrespective of what you want to buy), comparing prices, and finally making no purchase.

Damn it, I have never walked to and fro in a mall, as much as I walked this instance. The Chinese woman giving out free samples of General Tso Chicken also realised she's seen me before and stopped handing out those free samples to me!

Ok, even if you have to go shopping, do not, and I repeat, DO NOT, go shopping for Jeans. Seriously. The womankind will wear these Gawd knows zillion styles of Jeans, try every one out, ask your opinion, how it looks, how it fits, claim that you are staring at her butt and ignoring the jeans (and rest assured, you shalt get smacked for it). Finally she will claim one particular piece of cloth fits the best (which, I can bet, would look the same to you, compared to the last 30 styles she has tried out) and then finally say, Forget It, it doesnt feel right. Eventually people will call the store manager when they see you jumping up and down pulling out your hair in frustration, and have you thrown out of the store.


Always, always, always carry nutritional power bars. The woman will never stop shopping till the shops close and if you dont have something to munch on, you are at the mercy of Chinese woman passing out samples every time you cross her path. To those who can afford it, carry your laptop. No, I dont mean you can eat your laptop. But you can surely get some work done.

If the woman is your wife/fiancee/girlfriend/ChickYouTryToImpress, never have a smile of your face when you pass by Victoria's Secrets. And to all you men who have stopped reading my post and started sufring Victoria Secrets website, go ahead. You have my blessings. We shall meet around some corner of this planet and if your wife/fiancee/girlfriend/ChickYouTryToImpress has not caught you staring at the beautiful Adriana Lima, we shall smile at each other!

Never ask questions. If you ask things like "Whats this?" and "Why this?", be prepared for looks which say - "Whats your IQ? Negative 200??" or "How does it matter to you, your job is to hold the bags"

Words such as, "Lets break for lunch", "Do you really plan to buy anything from here?", "How much longer?" and "Look, Video Game Parlour!!" are strictly forbidden.

Always say "Yes". "Will this look good on my Mom?" - "Yes". Even if you have never seen her Mom! Always, "Yes".

Only one time when you say NO and run. When she says, "I forgot my purse"

And I am bored of General Tso chicken.