That Thing About Americans

When you say America, land of the free sounds like a synonym. Talking about Americans, (restricting to the sub-group of people in big cities) it would be an understatement to say they are insane. Unfortunately some people would call that last statement partially false. I belong to that group. The problem is its impossible to tell who is insane. In the yesteryears it used to be simple. People talking to aliens or the blue skies were insane. Those who indulged in other activities, excluding murder were not.



I like the big cities (for clarity, I shall call it New York or NYC from now on) thought processing. "EVERYONE IS INSANE". Let me explain:

Nowadays, the people in the Versace suits have cell phones, and these cell phones have micro-mini ear-mounted mic/earphone combinations, hence being greeted with the sight of a career savvy woman in a $2000 Versace who is having a lively conversation with a rather bored parking meter is not an uncommon sight in big cities (for clarity, I shall call it New York or NYC from now on). This is a common enough experience that most New Yorkers try to get used to it by consuming humungous amounts of alcohol which is about 9 parts lemoneade to 1 part Bacardi Limon served with a breath mint for $12 plus tax, which comes to $72. The semblance of insanity therefore is the norm.

One thing I have noticed since landing in big cities (for clarity, I shall call it New York or NYC from now on) is no one bothers how ever the hell you dress (or dont dress). The other day I drove to pick up a friend from the airport. As things would have it, I was late at work, so I got late home which made me conclude I would be late in picking up the dude. In the rush of things, I changed into the first shirt which I found lying on my room floor and dashed out without realising I had worn it inside out. I broke journey to get some gas and a coffe from the not amused at all cute girl at Starbucks.

Here is the funny thing. Not a single person said a word to me about my shirt. And despite the fact I looked like a really dumb jar of oatmeal, the cute girl at Starbucks was very kind to me. My neighbour who greeted me as I ran to my car treated me like any normal human. The lady who pulled up next to me at the gas pump exchanged the regular hello - how are you and smiles. But not a single word about my shirt being inside out.

This made me wonder, how the hell would anyone react to this in India! Lets restrict this to my apartment complex in Bombay. The first person to notice this would be the lady who sits on the second floor and oversees everything which goes about the colony. Soon word would spread - "Joshi's son wears his shirt inside out" (Marathi: Joshi'n cha mulgaa shirt ulta ghalto). This would be the talk at kitty partys and early morning walks. Finally one of the women would tell this to her husband. Then the rebellious Uncles of my society would call a general body meeting to discuss the consequences of these acts. "Our grandsons can get influenced by such behavior and stop wearing clothes" There would be discusions on how to bring an end to this but no action taken.

Very soon the rumours would spread that Joshi's son also wears his underwear inside out and all the 16 year old girls would smile sheepishly at me whenever I walked by them.

Finally one of the ground floor uncles would walk up to me and object to my clothing style.

Now depending on how my day has been, I could come up with either of the two answers.

• Oh, I never noticed this. I am sorry. Thanks for letting me know. (This would be the end of it and it would be forgotten after a while.)


• This is my way of saying I go against the core of society. My dressing symbolizes the inversion of social morales and the base of my own ethics. (The uncle would spread the word that Joshi's son leans towards the same types)

Meantime, Bird would be interested in knowing if any penal codes exist on wearing shirts inside out.

But in America, this would be cool.

I think I am becoming a believer of the everybody-is-insane mentality of America!