Thursday, September 15, 2005

Warning: Matchmakers, I could hurt you!

Location: Bally's Locker room (I know, I talk about it often, I swear I dont live there)

I walk in to change into my gym clothes and realize a desi (U)ncle in the same aisle as mine.

U: So gonna work-out eh?
A: Yeah (Thought: Like I would come here to shop).
U: Whats your name?
A: Apoorva
U: Apoorva.... last name?
A: Joshi
U: So you are Gujarati (his face lights up)
A: No, Maharastrian.
U: Oh... how come... (face is sad)
A: Well... Joshis fall under Gujjus and Maharastrians. (Thought in my mind: My mom is maharastrian, my dad is maharastrian, their mom and dad are maharastrians and their mom and dad... I could go on... but invariably thats why I am maharastrian... but if its really important I could become Gujarati)
U: Yeah, I know.... are u born here?
A: No.... (Thought in my mind: And I weigh XXX pounds and my foot size is XX, and the socks I am wearing right now have two holes. Need more info stranger?)

By now I thought I should at least get his name out.

A: Your name would be?
U: Uday Mehta.
A: So you are Gujju for sure.
U: He he... yeh.... u have family here, mom, dad?
A: No... (man, whats with people asking about my family?)
U: How about other family?
A: Uh? As in.....?
A: (Thought in my mind: They become other family? Or are you just weak in English?) Uhhh... no. No one.
U: Have you met Vijay Dane?
A: Uh... ?
U: He comes here often... his daughter is young and in college!
A: ok sir, gotta pee.... very badly.... later! (Sheesh man, "young" and in college. What is this guy?)

I am getting a new tattoo. On my forehead. In red and black.
Something which tells match-makers to stay away! Faaaaaaaaaar away!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey wait ... what happened after the daughter part ...

did i lose that page ... hey wait apoo .. get me back that page ...

September 15, 2005 11:52 PM  
Blogger iyer education said...

ya right... why have you not written about that... and ask for vijay dane's daughter's blog address? haan haan... tatoo my email address on your forehead... something like a mail diverting funda :)

September 16, 2005 12:09 AM  
Blogger Nicole said...

Apoooooooo.... stop running away from people who could lead you to women. Use Bally's as a ground for socializing. There is life beyond staying up late and programming (and then sleeping at work). Leave that laptop alone. There is a life beyond that!

September 16, 2005 12:11 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Abhi & Iyer: Nothing happened to daughter part. I ran away to pee. U want details on that?
BTW, when he asked me if I knew Vijay Dane, should I have asked "Pen Hai?"

Nicole: Are u advising me, or are u scolding me?
The woman I date should have a laptop, free wireless internet at her place (ok, at least cable modem), be an A-List blogger and should get turned on by the thought of polymorphism.
Bonus points if she can hack into someones secure wireless spot.

September 16, 2005 12:22 AM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

LOL....join the club of victims of match-makers. I notice you've changed your profile pic to one that shows your face more clearly....i wonder if there's a connection...hmmm...

September 16, 2005 12:33 AM  
Blogger Nicole said...

Here is your TATTOO:

I could go on... but you stay in the neighbourhood. Dont want you sneaking into my apt. to kill me.

September 16, 2005 12:33 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Idea: Yes. I say clearer the pic, less will I be approached by match-makers.

Nicole: You crack me up! Loved the "HATE YOUR DAUGHTER? MARRY HER TO ME!"
And just wait till you meet me at a bar all sloshed! U wont even remember who killed ya!

September 16, 2005 12:38 AM  
Blogger iyer education said...

why is everyone digressing from marriage to death... or is it a digression at all?... think about it...

so long...

September 16, 2005 12:44 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Blame it on Nicole!

September 16, 2005 12:53 AM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

Where's Madame Mahima in all of this? I'm sure she'll want to kill ya, Nicole...

September 16, 2005 8:06 AM  
Blogger iyer education said...

what a piece of tragedy for apoo... i wanted him beheaded on madame's blog... he just escaped and now we are talking about executing him on his own blog...

arey johsienizer... teri saari energy nikal gayi re... ab tu kya karega?

September 16, 2005 8:21 AM  
Blogger couchpotato said...

Looks like you'd have liked 'old and toothless' better!

Hope you don't meet him the next time you make a visit, though. He might even handcuff you and introduce you to the Dane guy!;)

September 16, 2005 9:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

couchie: yea i agree ... with the turn of events that apoo is used to ... that might well be the case ...

iyer: this ur new warcraft image looks more like the real u ...

pops: kallu n me were burnin rubber with a (supposed) pro (or maybe not) racer ... gave us his setup et al ... did kallu speak with ya?

kallu's some serious talent man

September 16, 2005 9:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

and nicole: leave the old bard as is ... he's not changing for all the money's worth or on heavy doses of margaritas or whatever ... his lappy (u have a name for her yet pops?) is the love of his life.

as for murder attempts by pops .. just keep CoCo with you at all times .. trust me, he'l stay at least 200 mts. off you ...

September 16, 2005 9:50 AM  
Blogger Amey Bordikar said...

That was hilarious ... "Young & in college" !!! hahahaha

Man how come you always attract the parents & never the daughters ! ... & how come its always the gym locker room !! & while you change !!! … I guess I got my answer ;)

September 16, 2005 9:53 AM  
Blogger Nicole said...

Blame me? Why me?

Ideasmith, why would Madame kill me? She and I have the same interest. Make Apoo's life miserable... or so I thought. I think we are on the same team. Right Madame M?

Abhi: Neat advice. CoCo loves to bite.

September 16, 2005 11:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude simple get a tatto saying "I m buck n I m here to fu@#"......I m sure No uncle aunty or anyone would bother u ....or better get a tattoo tht says "I M indian N I m Gay" ......recycling from rusell peters sorry...

September 16, 2005 4:13 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Madame Mahima seems to be getting popular here!

Iyer: Wait up, I am just playing modest right now!

Couchie: U shalt not speak such scary words on my blog!

Abhi: Yes. Kallu is amazing talent. This weekend I am joining in the fun. Get ya machine all tuned up!! And no, no name for the lappy yet. Some of my friends call her - Helicopter, but since I got the fan replaced.... she aint make no more noise.

Bordi: Now... tell me other instances of meeting parents in the locker room?

Nicole: I love dogs!! Abhi was trying to trick you! And stop encouraging Mahima!

Anon: The Gay part would attract guys. Imagine Mr. Mehta say, "You know Mr. Dane? His son is young and in college." Bad idea!

September 16, 2005 5:51 PM  
Blogger Nicole said...

I think we need to put you and CoCo together. Test out the theory behind how much you love dogs.

September 17, 2005 1:57 AM  
Blogger Arpi said...

Nicole, one more to the list of people sharing similiar interests. Am always up for making Apoos life miserable.

Apoo, get a life. Date the young and college-going, Ms. Dane.

And that laptop, throw it outta the window.

September 17, 2005 2:00 AM  
Blogger iyer education said...

apoo: you dont have a life (thats what the comments suggest)... or so it seems... you and coco... arey yaar ye kya ho raha hai... i really cant understand what is worse... dying or staying put with a dog... and you women sure know lotsa ways of torturing apoo...

there is also a torture chembur here in mumbai... you can visit that if you get bored of dogs, laptops and torturers :)

September 17, 2005 4:38 AM  
Blogger Nicole said...

From yours and Abhis comments are u guys going racing this week?

September 17, 2005 4:13 PM  
Blogger Nicole said...

I meant karting

September 17, 2005 4:14 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Arpi: No harsh words about the laptop. Lets not change my love for thee!

Iyer: I love dogs. U shall see that CoCo will be my best pal very soon. And I have already experienced torture chembur. Places like those drove me off to USA.

Nicole: Yes. We are racing. U wanna join in. With CoCo?

September 17, 2005 4:33 PM  
Blogger iyer education said...

apoo: i know your eternal love for dogs... atleast from your posts... it seems you really need to make friendship with coco otherwise things can turn bad for you...

please do not forget to tie that silky lil band on each of coco's paws on world friendship day... cho chweet

September 17, 2005 4:56 PM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

Lol...torture CHEMBUR???? That's probably your line Iyer, seeing as how its packed with eager Tam parents of 'enggg' marriageable girls!

September 18, 2005 5:49 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

I'm here..
Sorry, I was away spending some time with HRITHIK ROSHAN (check my blog, if u don't believe me, you HATERS!)
So Apoo's getting like, all, matchmade and stuff huh..thats great..REALLY.
(should have a laptop, free wireless internet at her place (ok, at least cable modem), be an A-List blogger and should get turned on by the thought of polymorphism I fulfil all the criteria except the polymorphism bit. i don't know what it is but it sure does sound kinky.)

Nicole, we ARE on the same team, i've got your back sistah.

=S why AM i so talked about here?

September 18, 2005 8:38 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Mahima: Stop hanging out with married men!

And its amazing. I actually find a girl who meets the criteria. That too in quick time. Somethings fishy! Real fishy!

So Mahima, when am I getting called over for some tea?

September 18, 2005 9:03 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

pfft fishy your ass.

and why would i call u over for tea?
i'm more of a coffee person really!

September 18, 2005 11:03 PM  
Blogger iyer education said...

madame: i love coffee... i like hrithik... i am not jealous like some other people here... and i dont find things fishy anywhere (i am a pure vegetarian)... what say?

apoo: your whole post was to keep matchmakers away... now you are making matches on your comments section... what are you actually upto?

September 19, 2005 12:18 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Hmmm... Madame Mahima has options. There Iyer, she is all yours. After all, wearing folded jeans with plastic bags on head is sooo not hot :P

On a serious note. Cant help it Iyer, all these commentees are so beautiful, I should try no? After all Nicole says, to stop running away from those who could lead me to women. I guess my blog is one of those.

Pillow time.

September 19, 2005 12:28 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

rumpy - wah hey! im vegetarian too! i think this is the birth of a beautiful friendship.

apoo - dammit. i knew the folded jeans and plastic bag would come back and haunt me. but whatev. i still looked hot in them. i look hot in anything. i make garbage look hot.

September 19, 2005 6:52 AM  
Blogger Nicole said...

Uh-oh! I have created a monster. Run!

September 19, 2005 6:56 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

nicole what have u done.
he's starting to worry me ..=S

September 19, 2005 8:48 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Yeah Mahima... u do make garbage look hot! When compared to you (in folded jeans and plastic cap)... anything looks hot!! :P

Yeah Nicole... run, run!!

September 19, 2005 8:54 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

apoo she was talking about YOU.

and 'har-dee-har-HAR'
funny little monkey arentcha.
i hope u get matchmade to that gujju GUY at your gym.
"khem cho, apoo baby ;)"
boy, would that be funny to watch
hyuk hyuk

September 19, 2005 12:14 PM  

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