Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Laundry Insanity

I usually try not to post random observations about doing laundry or talking to the washing machine on the pretext that most people would not find it sane. But at 4 in the morning, the creative juices are flowing in that direction. So the topic of todays post: Laundry Machines are insane.

Now, people would refute that claim. And I would partially agree. At least the machines are sane enough not to root for the Baltimore Ravens, which makes me believe their anti-masochist synapses are firing.

The area where I live, in addition to playing loud music, busting people for having parties, attempting to climb down the fire escape, walking too fast, going to the bathroom too noisily and using the garbage disposal to dispose off gangstas without first asking permission also has the crappiest, partially functional, largest collection of laundry machines.

Last night I planned to get my laundry done. Well, I had to do laundry, so I said, "Lets do laundry". Fine. Call me impulsive. So about 11 PM I find myself at the laundromat, hoping to finish by 12:30 AM, sorting by 1 AM. But like it would happen, my dear friend decided to stop by at the laundromat. He is popularly known as Murphy.

Let me rewind a bit in time and give due credit to all characters who would play an important role in this drama. As I enter the mat (come on, I cant type L A U N D R O M A T all the time), I see this big fat lady, sitting behind the cashiers counter, chewing on a greasy burger, fries and XXL coke. She is watching some drama on TV, and acknowledges my presence with a nod, her eyes focussed on the TV. As I walk up to get quarters, she say, "That machine take only 20's", her eyes, still focussed on the screen.

Random Picture thrown in to wake up all males who were dozing off

Sadly, my hopes of saying good night by 1 AM were dashed like an 18 wheeler hitting an auto rickshaw. First, a washer malfunctioned. It decided to fill up and drain off, without taking a spin-o-tumble. The next washer seemed to be a distant cousin of the first one. Not only did it refuse to spin, but it refused to completely drain out leaving me with a pile of dirty wet clothes and drenching what I was wearing.

This is when the big fat lady let go of her greasydonald burger and fries, got a mop and dried the floor, her eyes still trained on the TV.

The annoying thing about side-load washers is there is no way to stop them once they start. If you realize within 5 minutes that something is gone awry, you have to wait till they are done the entire wash. So two broken machines and 90 minutes later, I finally got to one machine which was different from the rest of the family. This one did actually work, but by this time I was out of quarters and the machine which took 20's seemed to be in the same state as me. So very soon, I found myself with a greasy burger and $16 worth of change. For those of you who have not been able to comprehend, I did not buy the fat ladys half eaten burger for $4, but I walked up to the nearest eatery and bought a burger.

If that had been the end of it, I would have still considered it a good day (by general standards). But as you would have guessed, the first dryer I used malfunctioned. What really pissed me off was it seemed to work fine for the first 10 minutes as I stood there looking for any signs of deviance. From what I could tell, it stopped working the moment I stepped away. Fortunately I discovered of this failure in about 50 minutes, compared to the regular one hour. But I still have to transfer the load into another machine and wait.

To end it, I was done by 3, sorting and folding by 4. And if I sleep now, I will never get up to work in time. So I rather just type up this post, play rise of nations and bore the crap outta the first person who unblocks me on their messenger list!

Meantime, remember. Washing machines are insane. Dont marry one.


Blogger Lord of all Things said...

ohh thank god..i was just abt to marry one..!
thatzeggjacktly y we call the americans baddimak people(no abuses in case some amrikan is reading)..who made the law against hanging clothes to dry in the sun???
and having istriwallahs..
and u just stack.. the stuf in ur cupboard!
bah !
indians can do just abt anywrk in amrika we shuld have there istriwallah chains ! will earn well

November 22, 2005 9:33 AM  
Blogger Demi Goddezz said...

hehheh..U poor soul...hehheh

thats a nice night occupied...good job buddy...

November 22, 2005 10:04 AM  
Anonymous Pixel8 said...

wanna have a night out?
how abt laundry?:)

November 22, 2005 5:17 PM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

SO you were ACTUALLY planning to marry a washing machine?!?

Jeeez, ladki nahi mili toh washing machine..ab washing machine bhi nahi chaahiye... now what??

tch tch.. :p:p

November 22, 2005 7:51 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Medha: Perhaps YOU!

Pixel: U wash my clothes and I wash yours! We have a date!

Demi: Nice night occupied???!!! Just wait till it happens to you in the middle of winter!

LOAT: Dear, we have istriwallas here. As a matter of fact, they come and collect stuff from home or work and give it back to ya. Only.... they charge a bomb. I could do a years laundry in that! yeah, I miss my good ol' dhobhi.

November 22, 2005 9:51 PM  
Blogger Medha.. said...



By the way, you committed a HUGE sin (on msn) in the morning! HUGE, UNFORGIVABLE SIN!! And thou shalt be punished severly for that!!

November 22, 2005 10:03 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Medha: Thats supposed to mean you are neither washing machine, neither ladkii.

Now... lemme guess the sin... I logged off?

November 22, 2005 10:17 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

..... or did I leave my webcam on while I was changing?

November 22, 2005 10:18 PM  
Blogger Medha.. said...



YOU....left....without saying 'bye' to me!!!! HOW COULD YOU!!

November 22, 2005 10:23 PM  
Blogger Mayank said...

Apoorva... ever felt like its just not ur day :P
I bet one of the reasons u decided to hit the laundro by that time was 'they all wudda been empty and you could have had a walk in and walk out scenario.
sigh.. that has happened sooo many times. My sentiments now.. Washing Machines come with a compatibility issue.. they are specifically designed for women.

Hence.. get a girlfrien and/or get married... automatic Laundromat come FREE in the deal. oh oh u also get a cook, cleaner, and istreevaaala. Tempting ... aint it ?

Medha: Samajhdaar ke liye ishaare hi kaafi hote hain !!

November 22, 2005 10:56 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Medha: You dont get it. There aint no "bye" between you n me! Never!

Mayank: You are the smart one who analyzes the situation. Yup, in one way that was the reason, that the mat would be empty. The other and primary reason, which may be more than what my readers need to know, is I was outta clean underwear. J/K.
And I think the marriage/girlfriend part is not the way you interpret it to be. In the modern world, I would have to do twice the laundry, twice the cooking and twice the cleaning, once married.

November 22, 2005 11:03 PM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

Mayank: So what is this, a backhanded compliment about womenkind's superior talents or anutter MCP (that's the oinking variety not Microsoft Certified Professionals!!) remark?

Personally techno-greek that I am, I still haven't had a problem with washing machines. When they misbehave, give them one resounding kick and they function again. Methinx same funda would work on men....wot say, Apoo?

November 22, 2005 11:24 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

oh my god apoo what would we do without your pearls of wisdom such as 'don't ever marry a washing machine'
MY pearl of wisdom is this - dont ever marry an apoo/apee

November 22, 2005 11:25 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Uh-oh. Mayank, watch out for Smithy bro. She is known to practice violence. Kill-Bill Volume III kinda lady she is.

Smithy: I donno about men. And no woman has tried that on me. Yeah, it does work on vending machines tho.

Mahi: Thats your pearl of wisdom? Come on, thats common sense! Even I keep saying, "I am the guy your momma warned ya about"

November 22, 2005 11:35 PM  
Blogger Mayank said...

Lol ideasmith.. its just a fact of nature.. Women are gifted at handling such issues and men are newbies (and a lucky few getting close to just figuring it out).
So ye it was a part compliment if u care to look at it from that pov, a part warning "dont enter HER domain, they are the only few who have perfected the art of separating the Whites from the Colors and likewise" and acceptably a partial cheavinistic remark.

/* Heeding apoorvas warning and the faint cracking of a whip *\

Ok.. ok i submit.. u girls are the absolute laundromat queens..*sigh*.. care to use a little softener on the reply :P

November 23, 2005 12:00 AM  
Blogger iyer education said...

dhobi rocks man... sometimes technology can get to human beings...

November 23, 2005 2:22 AM  
Blogger iyer education said...

kapda washing at 4 in the morning gives me an idea... why not outsource "dhobigiri" to USA... think about it and we would work on that business proposal... all you need is to collect a couple of good and hardworking dhobis like you and we could do great business...

November 23, 2005 2:36 AM  
Blogger KJ said...

We have istriwallas here. They come and collect stuff from home & deliver it also..
just rubbing a lil bit of ointment on ur wound..

November 23, 2005 6:23 AM  
Blogger iyer education said...

kj: you have been hightly mishtooken.... what you stated is called rubbing salt on wound and not ointment on wound ;)

November 23, 2005 8:13 AM  
Blogger KJ said...

IE: apoo is a friend.. wud not dare rub SALT on a friend's wound... (at least not so soonn)
woh kehte hai naa thoda ghaav bhar jaane do, phir usse khuredte hain..

November 23, 2005 9:26 AM  
Blogger Lord of all Things said...

thank god@ i really dint know they exist? is ur istriwallah indian?

November 23, 2005 9:50 AM  
Blogger Lord of all Things said...

@iyero: u stole my idea!!!!PLAGARISM!!!

November 23, 2005 11:58 AM  
Blogger iyer education said...

loat.. what idea... idea cannot be stolen... she is just back onto blogging... after reading your comments, she might decide to yet again stop blogging... so stop making such statements...

idea; loat ko maaf kar do... mein uski taraf se maafi maangta hoon ;]

November 23, 2005 12:56 PM  
Blogger Menagerie said...

4.00 am makes one think the wierdest things, marrying the washing machine!!

I was close to tying the knot with my laptop and have been in a 'break up' syndrome since its crash few weeks ago!

Its a crazy world...!

November 23, 2005 3:09 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Mayank, you could start a XYFactor, in reply to Ideas XXfactor

Iyer: Outsourcing = bad idea. Seriously. The quality will go down. Nothing beats the guys at dhobhi ghat.

KJ: U evil woman!!!

LOAT: No, he is Chinese!

Iyer: Paras Joke syndrome seems to have got into you. Stop competing with PJ.

Menagerie: Everyone is getting me wrong. I never thought of marrying/not marrying the washing machine. I just warned people not to. You know... people are known to do stupid things!
Dont worry about the laptop. I am sure with the help of Microsoft, the two of you would "patch" up.

People, have a Happy Thanksgiving! And may I get loads of booze!

November 23, 2005 10:04 PM  
Blogger iyer education said...

apoo: ur right... a lot of wierd things seems to be happenin to me and bird since we have given up smoking... thanks for lettin me know that...

also paro looks for a lot of things that are "washable"... right from laptops to keyboards to other gadgets... hence he should be given respect in this post as well.. so that is what i am doing with this comment...

*two minute silence respecting paro* oki done... bye

November 23, 2005 10:56 PM  
Blogger Bird said...

I know for sure that theres a connection between 4 AM & psychos.

Lots of weird things happen around 0300-0400 hrs. According to my (ongoing)investigation, there is a spiritual reason to it (as is recorded in the vedas).

I need to start blogging about my completed paranormal investigations.

November 24, 2005 12:17 AM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

Mayank: Ignore Apoo...he's been consuming too much of shaving cream. I'm a decent law-abiding good Indian girl...and I'm definitely not possesive about the domains of cleaning, washing and other such interesting things...you can lord over them by all means!

Iyer: One more PJ. SNC says "Iska koi idea nahin hai, kya?", SFOS replies "Nahin. Mumbai mein Idea bilkul nahin hai...only Orange and BPL".....heeheehee.

November 24, 2005 12:54 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Bird, its no vedas, its T-top. All it needs is 4 nanguys, a sleeping watchman and Old Monk Rum (yeah, right, spirit).

And frankly, with that combination, everything is independent of time.

November 24, 2005 12:55 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Idea: Alcohol. Its too much of alcohol. Dont abuse it by giving it some other names. I tried consuming shaving cream during my moments of boredom (and lack of money to buy food) and rest assured it has no such effect on me (which ever shaving cream u may choose, the gillette one or the one in the photo).

November 24, 2005 1:00 AM  
Blogger Bird said...

Abe nahin, honestly, there's a mention of the importance of 0300 hrs. in the vedas.

November 24, 2005 1:09 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Really? U have my attention. Why dont you blog about it... or just leave a huge comment.

Wanna know why its important, coz mostly I am sleeping at that time. If its important, I think all of us shoudl wake up at 0300 hrs and enjoy the moment.

November 24, 2005 1:41 AM  
Blogger iyer education said...

and i dont think shaving cream existed during the times when the vedas were written... so i guess even that being mentioned in the vedas is quite a distant chance... my confusion is spilling over onto this blog as well... so please to be excused

November 24, 2005 1:41 AM  
Blogger iyer education said...

apoo: and why are you awake so late even today? let me guess... you have managed to take your laptop and a wifi connection in the laundromat? that should be fun... let me talk to the people at dhobhi ghat and arrange for one there also :)

November 24, 2005 1:42 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Dont ask. I am stuck in Wilmington with nothing better to do.... so I keep checking my comments every 2 mins and using it as a chat room.

Google provides free wireless to Mountain View. Iyer provides free wireless to Dhobhi Ghat. Go ahead, u and the dhobhis take on Larry, Sergie and the rest. U have my blessings to create a Dhobble.

November 24, 2005 1:48 AM  
Blogger iyer education said...

free wireless? saala google... does it have a money mint press of its own or what? neways dhobble is a good idea... let me work over it and discuss it with you and paro... both of you guys are good at handling things which are related to washing ;)

November 24, 2005 2:24 AM  
Anonymous paras said...

laugh bas**rd ... we already have water cooling system for highend CPUs... the day will come when we'll have washable laptops and washable softwares to get rid of bugs .... hope u alive en to see the miracle

apoo: u sending your resume?

November 24, 2005 3:34 AM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

0300 am in the morning? Must be the same funda that makes all tams schedule weddings and other occasions at ungodly hours of the day....or praps its saving costs of having to feed people who'll be too sleepy (or hungover on shaving cream+alcohol) at that time of the morning.

November 24, 2005 3:35 AM  
Blogger couchpotato said...

That's bad... think the ancient, forgotten method would have taken lesser time.

And yeah, don't marry washing machines; marry air conditioners, they're a million times better.

Now, AM I insane?

November 24, 2005 4:14 AM  
Blogger Bird said...

I have another theory: maximum number of people die of natural causes during winter. Not connected here but just wanted to show you that you dont want to read about my investigations.

November 24, 2005 4:32 AM  
Blogger iyer education said...

idea: does it mean that if a tam marries a punju, then
the time of marraige ceremony ending of punjus = time of marriage ceremony beginning of tams

it is this kind of confusion that must be killing lots of people between 0300 and 0400... i also dont know what i am writing, hence planning to commit suicide at around the same time... neone joinin me can pls write to me... after reading my own comment i feel like killing myself...

November 24, 2005 5:17 AM  
Blogger iyer education said...

oh and paras, i am dying for the day when firefox / IE doesnt work and i take it to the washroom and clean it off all the bugs... waah kya scene hoga...

i have a doubt also... if i by mistake add a stupid comment (okay that doesnt happen bymistake... it is natural in my case) could it be possible to take the browser to the wash basin and wash the comment off? and will it reflect on apoo's id where the comment is being emailed?

November 24, 2005 5:20 AM  
Anonymous paras said...

possible possible ... very much possible ... just search for liquid anti virus or liquid comment washer only on liquid.google.com

November 24, 2005 5:29 AM  
Blogger Lord of all Things said...

@Iyer: ur now definitely yerragadda material!! we have to book ur bed there!(fer more information of yerragadda. ask some hyderabadi person if u know one other than me!)

November 24, 2005 8:51 AM  
Blogger Bird said...

In fact Iyer is Yerawada material.

November 24, 2005 9:58 AM  
Blogger iyer education said...

LoAT: i prefer thane mental hospital

bird: LoAT will go to yerwada jail for stealing chocolates from my shop ;)

November 24, 2005 10:05 AM  
Blogger Lord of all Things said...

@bird: i agree with u!!
@iyr: u r the one supp 2 be stealing them from me and illegally exporting bcoz of their superior quality..!! ulta chor kotwal ko daante??!!

November 24, 2005 1:36 PM  
Blogger Demi Goddezz said...

OH mY loRd

anwyays after reading the comments i had missed ...

Paro: wash wash...
Iyer :PLease suicide math kar .. algebra seekh
Bird: Sleep sleep

Apoo: hheh u know what

and happy thanks giving guys ...

November 24, 2005 2:08 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

ok. these comments are too spaced out for me to reply back on.

Paras: Yes, lemme look for paper first.

Bird: I wanna hear all your theories. Blog about them! Now!

Idea: Dont scare me with such subtle hints. No way am I getting married at 3 AM. Honey, most sane couples are done with the marriage and are busy doing something else at that time. Ahem!

Couchie: I understand. You are not insane!

November 24, 2005 8:17 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Iyer: Does that washing theiry work on my head? Can I clear out everything from my brain by taking a head bath? I dont wanna remember any of these comments.

November 24, 2005 8:19 PM  
Blogger iyer education said...

LoAT: very good... very true

apoo: i wish i had something like that... i have too many "happy" and "tullee" sessions with bird and i need to wash them from my brain... sadly that is not possible... and now of all things, bird thinks he is the LAST HOPE FOR HUMANITY... i NEED to wash that off someway or the other yaar...

November 24, 2005 11:03 PM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

Apoo: At 3am I'm either sleeping or hollering at the person (or neighborhood dogs) who woke me up. Guess that takes care of all issues.

November 25, 2005 3:09 AM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

Ok we get it. Never marry a washing machine!

Now can we have a NEW POST !!!! :p

November 25, 2005 4:10 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

yay apoo's washing machine messed up :P
new post

November 25, 2005 9:29 AM  
Blogger Lord of all Things said...

BAS bahut hogaya !!!!!!! kapdey dhona band karo... pani nahi hai!!!!

November 26, 2005 12:06 PM  
Blogger Medha.. said...





November 27, 2005 7:17 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Hmmm... first I read NPN. And I thought you are talking about the NPN, PNP transistors from engineering.

I see that my lack of blogging is making you innovate a new genre of comment writing.

November 27, 2005 7:34 PM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

HAHAHA! i knowwwwww!!

Tried to do something...but it went horribly wrong...only cos its YOUR blog!!!

Idiot! :p

Btw apoo, we never decided whos gonna win/get what when either of us wins THAT bet you laid...?! ;)

November 27, 2005 7:41 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

How about if I win, I'll tell ya whatever I want ya to do... and if you win, you'll do whatever I say?

November 27, 2005 8:36 PM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

chey! So boring! Not fun.. :p

Anyways, i (and you also) KNOW that i am going to win..(Waise bhi kya bakwaas bet tha! :p).

So i'll start making the list now.. and by next year end, the list will be complete!

November 27, 2005 8:47 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Dont waste your time on the list coz I know you are gonna lose. But whatever makes u happy....

So if you win, I comply to ya list. And if I win.... you shall know the practical sense of slavery!

November 27, 2005 8:51 PM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

YOu know, you really shouldnt get your hopes tooo high! It is all gonna come crashing DOWN!!! :p:p

November 27, 2005 8:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Apoo, Medha .. get married

(or get a room)

November 28, 2005 8:57 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

OK. We'll get married. No room required then?

November 29, 2005 2:53 AM  

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