So How Is Your Sex Life?

Getting down to Mumbai and walking the by-lanes is always fun. More fun is when you meet people you know, but not know so well, expect a hello-how-are-you but end up getting a libido quiz.

It so happens I am walking from the local vegetable seller around the corner carrying a bag of potatoes, when I bump into this girl I have known for years. Known to the extent of each time we cross paths, she smiles, I smile, both say hello and go our separate ways. And so I expect the same this time. Hence I say Hello and smile, and to my surprise she plunges into conversation.

She: Oh, back from USA?
Me: Yup (smiling)
She: So howz it there?
Me: Good (still smiling)
She: So how is your sex life?
Me: (no smile)

This goes into a catch-22 situation. When you leave for USA, half the Indian population thinks the air-hostess gives you a lap-dance and you are greeted by strippers when you land. So telling her - "Bad, very bad" would make me look like a loser. In reality, that is fine, I am used to the loser tag, but the fear at this moment was if she said, "Oh, how sad, I could help you improve it" (yes, I know my life is too sad for even that to happen, but I couldnt risk it).

However saying something like, "Oh, its nice, its very nice" would feed the rumour mills of Nandanvan with a "Apoorva acts in C-grade Hollywood movies".

Hence, as the wise may have figured out by now, I was faced with one of the most difficult questions of my life. How is my sex life? And what did I opt to do? I dropped the bag of potatoes I was carrying, which thankfully worked well since both of us went running after the potatoes. After putting them back in my bag, she smiled, I smiled and like old times, went our separate ways.