Wednesday, January 10, 2007

So How Is Your Sex Life?

Getting down to Mumbai and walking the by-lanes is always fun. More fun is when you meet people you know, but not know so well, expect a hello-how-are-you but end up getting a libido quiz.

It so happens I am walking from the local vegetable seller around the corner carrying a bag of potatoes, when I bump into this girl I have known for years. Known to the extent of each time we cross paths, she smiles, I smile, both say hello and go our separate ways. And so I expect the same this time. Hence I say Hello and smile, and to my surprise she plunges into conversation.

She: Oh, back from USA?
Me: Yup (smiling)
She: So howz it there?
Me: Good (still smiling)
She: So how is your sex life?
Me: (no smile)

This goes into a catch-22 situation. When you leave for USA, half the Indian population thinks the air-hostess gives you a lap-dance and you are greeted by strippers when you land. So telling her - "Bad, very bad" would make me look like a loser. In reality, that is fine, I am used to the loser tag, but the fear at this moment was if she said, "Oh, how sad, I could help you improve it" (yes, I know my life is too sad for even that to happen, but I couldnt risk it).

However saying something like, "Oh, its nice, its very nice" would feed the rumour mills of Nandanvan with a "Apoorva acts in C-grade Hollywood movies".

Hence, as the wise may have figured out by now, I was faced with one of the most difficult questions of my life. How is my sex life? And what did I opt to do? I dropped the bag of potatoes I was carrying, which thankfully worked well since both of us went running after the potatoes. After putting them back in my bag, she smiled, I smiled and like old times, went our separate ways.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you see walking along the street some day, and you have no bags to drop this time, will you avoid her?

and yeah, whats the answer to her question? :D

January 10, 2007 10:34 PM  
Anonymous IdeaSmith said...

I really do not believe that this conversation happened!!! How dare you accuse my blog of being filmy when you say such nonsense on yours??? Hmph.

January 11, 2007 12:22 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

#Jason: Nope, I wont avoid her. However, to the second question u have asked me... makes me uneasy about it coming from a guy! :P

#Smithy: I have proof... however, did I say your blog was filmy? I think it was more like - boring?

January 11, 2007 12:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

smithy - do not question the validity of this occurrence .. if apoo says so ... it's happened

and yes apoo, what's the answer to this question? (considering there's no rounded veggie to drop now)

it's uneasy coming from a guy eh? I wonder which other sex would lighten your c-22

January 11, 2007 12:35 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

#Abhi: Yes, wouldnt u feel uneasy if a guy would be interested in your sex life?

January 11, 2007 12:51 AM  
Blogger exclusively_me said...

ok ok , so jokes apart, WHAT was the answer to her question..huh?

January 11, 2007 4:55 AM  
Blogger anjali* said...

Next time, just say "I am not the type to kiss and tell" or give a sly grin and say "oh...I can't complain."

January 11, 2007 7:21 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

#Exclusive: U can pick any of the options put forth by Anjali*

#Anjali*: Now, why didnt I think of that one!!

January 11, 2007 11:19 AM  
Anonymous Brad said...

Here's a response that usually works-

I have encountered the same question, but with different form-factors.
-How's your sex life?
-So, how many chicks do you screw in a day? (people can get really really direct)
-So, what's the magic number?

If I tell the truth, nobody would believe me. Butanswering it, as you have already experienced is kinda uncomfortable. Here's something that you could try-
So, How's your sex Life?
Oh, you know.Faking a laughter would add more effect. This works most of the time.
If somebody turns out to be really persistent
No, I don't know...Could you elaborate
Well, Oh, you know!More fake laughter Green trees, blue skies, and the yellow sun, man.Fake laughter - this is really important. You are indirectly conveying that this is something that everybody should understand, and most mortals have a reasonable ounce of ego to not prod further, and establish their 'intelligence'.
By the Green trees, blue skies, yellow sun...mean zilch

January 11, 2007 2:24 PM  
Anonymous deepakjeswal said...

Howlarious as ever!

Waise, yeah, what was the correct answer? :P LOL

January 12, 2007 1:14 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

is it just me or have you been asked this before?
im having a serious case of deja vu!

January 12, 2007 9:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

no! you have people just walking up to you to ask about your sex life? by a female? Re-thinking my decision to move to Nandanvan!

January 13, 2007 1:29 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

#Brad: POint noted!

#DJ: Aap bhi?

#Mahi: I also think u had asked me this before...

#Sense: U shud move here. We as a community like to care about the other and help if there are any problems

January 13, 2007 2:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

can u post some comments about abhiwarya instead??

January 14, 2007 10:30 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

#Anon: Thats a waste of blog space. Star News would do a much better job

January 15, 2007 5:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahah...too good..
i guess i need to thing=k of some good replies before i land in India!!

January 15, 2007 6:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Apu - I'm in shock!


January 15, 2007 11:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man, this is the new age version of scene from 'Mere Mehboob', dropped a bag of potatoes, both bent down to pick them up, and parted with a smile!

Yeh yuhi na baat! Lage raho Apoo !

January 17, 2007 10:24 AM  

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