Friday, December 30, 2005

iJalpa. iCircuit. iGujju.

Everyone knows my fascination for Gujjus by now. As a matter of fact, I proudly admit I was a Gujju my last life and am a Gujju by heart this life.

So as life would have it, the last moment flight I took (be Indian, fly Air India) from Newark, NJ happened to terminate not at Mumbai, but at Ahmedabad, with a stopover at Mumbai. What does that translate to? Loads of Gujjus on the plane! All heading to Aamadabaad!

Being early at the airport has an advantage. I get to choose my seat, which ends up being an aisle seat near the emergency exit (its Air India, better be close to the emergency exit). What I do not realize is, I will also be next to the toilets.

So I seat myself in the aisle seat, next to hip looking Gujju chick. She flashes me a smile and I make a growling sound at her. She still doesnt get it and says, "I, Jalpa"

Viola! I have a hep Gujju sitting next to me. A fan (or creation?) of Steve Jobs perhaps.

Yes, iExperience, iJalpa!

So I settle my lousy butt on the seat, and kick back to enjoy the iJalpa experience. Amidst all this, Kanubhai and Alpeshbhai are gassing everyone from their seats.

"Sir, you cannot leave your seat now, we are preparing for take off", says airhostess.

"Restroom. Restroom javanoo chey", says Pradeepbhai.

So while hostess wrestles with Pradeepbhai and Pradeepbhai with his bladder... the plane takes off.

iJalpa feels she needs to strike up a conversation with me.

"Ahmedabad naa chho?"
"Oh... mara cousins Mumbai naa chhe! Ville Parle khabar chey tamhe?"
"whats your name?"
"Nice name. I, Jalpa"

Ho-Hum. Ta-Dum.
Where is the rum?

"Vacation maate jaavo chho" [going for vacation?]
"Lagan thayee gayoo tamharu?" [Are u married?]
"No. You interested?"
"Ho Ho Ho. Humour karo chho?" [Ho Ho Ho! Are you making humour?]

Rum, Rum! In comes the Rum.

"You drink eh?"
"Every nite. Without 4-5 pegs I cant sleep. You dont drink?"
"Orange juice. Keep it healthy!" (gives huge smile)
"Rum is healthy"
"Ho Ho Ho! Humour karo chho?"
"Just to let you know, I am not Gujarati!"

That (thankfully) shut iJalpa up!

Now this kid sitting somewhere ahead of me in the opposite aisle, looks around and smiles at me. I smile back. She gets all shy and turns around. This continues for a while, with me waving to her and she hiding behind the seat. Then again I see a head pop out and this time I stick my tongue out (just to be different) to find her Mom. Eh? She stares at me and goes back into hiding like her daughter. Then both, Mom and daughters heads pop out.... daughter smiles, Mom gives a stern look and both go back into hiding.

Time passes by without any movement. And then both Mom and daughter get up and start walking towards me. Mom, pushing a slightly hesitant daughter.

"Ask Him", Mom says.
Daughter turns around and hugs onto Mummy all shy.
I look around... finding an escape route, while iJalpa looks amused.

Mom of daughter looks at me, and says, "She thinks you are a movie star. Circuit from Munnabhai MBBS"
Daughter looks at me from the corner of her eyes and again shy away.

I was like, "Oh mannn... " *My ego, My ego* - sorry, *apun kaa ego, apun kaa ego kaisa fullrelai baap*

iJalpa almost comes to me within kissing distance.
"Yeah, lage chey, thodo lage chey" [translated to - he does look a little like him]

"Ok, I am not him, but u still want my autograph?" says me, pushing iJalpa away.

Mom: "See, I told you he is not"
Takes confused daughter away.
iJalpa looks at me with loadsa love in her eyes. Has she found her iCircuit?

Where is the rum?

We say our iGoodbyes at Mumbai.... and I promise her, I shall never see her again.

Some things about flying the AI flight:

* People dont lock doors when they go to pee. I have seen 3 naked Patels and never been so traumatized.
* Never take the seat near the toilet. When the line builds up, everyone gasses you right in your face
* The AC started to leak at take off and before landing. Got a beautiful girl all wet. The airhostess solution to it was sticking tissue paper in the overhead area.
* Beware the AI staff at Paris. They will barge into the toilets even if you lock the door.
* Announcements dont say, "Ladies and Gentlemen" but "Laadies and Gentlemen"



Blogger Madame Mahima said...

apoo getting gassed in the face....that image is gonna keep me going for the whole of next year :D
go gujju people!

(im gonna make all my gujju friends read this)

happy new year to u too apoorva.

December 30, 2005 11:54 PM  
Blogger Demi Goddezz said...

happy new year

December 31, 2005 12:32 AM  
Blogger KJ said...


Wishing you a very happy new year.. enjoi ur stay..



December 31, 2005 6:09 AM  
Blogger There's something about Sherry... said...

how does isherry sound?



December 31, 2005 7:08 AM  
Blogger Menagerie said...

Happy New Year to you too. Have fun in Mumbai and yes, take a pic in front of Shopper's for my sake ;)

Have a blast !

December 31, 2005 11:20 AM  
Blogger Dan said...

Hey Circuit baap kya yaar thoda sa gas se pareshaan ho gaya .. :-)

You should have taken revenge man.. Drink lots of beer.. then you get lots of gas.. so if someone leaves.. you leave one on revenge !!

So hows Ahmedabad..

Happy new year to you bhai !!!

December 31, 2005 3:26 PM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

A very hep-py noo yurr!

December 31, 2005 11:59 PM  
Anonymous deepakjeswal said...

A Very Happy New Year To You!

January 01, 2006 12:19 AM  
Blogger memphis said...


January 02, 2006 4:12 AM  
Anonymous Brad said...

You should have asked iJalpa, 'RUF329?' :-) It works much better than, 'I am not a gujju.' Either you get the girl or lose the girl, both ways you win!

Happy New Years to you too, budd!

January 02, 2006 1:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

that was too funny, dont you just love AI flights.

January 02, 2006 1:55 PM  
Blogger couchpotato said...

A great way to start the new year: Still laughing. Have a great 2006, mate! :)

January 02, 2006 2:50 PM  
Blogger Casablanca said...

Ah, thanks the whole of Gujju community for giving you such a memorable flight :D

Hahahahahaha... iJalpa was indeed hilarious!

January 03, 2006 9:12 PM  
Blogger KJ said...

hi apoo

hows the vacation going? eating vada pav? meeting all the guys?

have a gr8 time..



January 04, 2006 2:35 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

what I'M wondering is how come u pushed jalpa behen away???

is apoo getting some?
if so, then who is it?
and whats wrong with her?

office lady...response?

January 04, 2006 8:40 AM  
Anonymous deepakjeswal said...

Read the post today! Enjoy ur vacations in India ... and nice flight co. u had , how do u manage to always attract such girls? ;-))

January 05, 2006 10:00 AM  
Blogger Brad said...

Not sure why did you disable commenting on the latest post!? People can still comment in any of your other posts, like me commenting over here, and you would get to know what they think via email notification, nei!?

Looks like you are terribly bored with the routine in your life! Yeah, try a new hobby, mebbe learning a language, read a book on an esoteric subject.

Open MS Word, type in your post whilst in office and blog it via email. So, you can still blog while pretending to work; unless you wanna stay off the blog completely.

Later budd.

May 03, 2006 2:42 PM  
Blogger Neetal Mistry said...

Apoo Dude (AKA Apoobhai;-)

I know you asked me to be nice and "take your blog with a pinch of salt" however, its too salty for a Gujarati.... It hell`a funny... I am cracking up in my class group meeting.... and can't even explain them why. AI usually leave people with traumatic experience... but then you should be have been nice to her... may be the Mom brought some thepalas for journey and if your had smiled back to her... she would have shared some with would have been better than eating AI Food.

But then as far as people go, its the "Aaiyaiyo's" who get on your nerves... atleast you didn't sat next to some guy who kept asking you,

"Apne Dil Chahata hai dehki ha?" "The view is beautiful".
"Are you a software engineer?"
"Gujarati Dhokla is very nice."
"Where do you study in US"
"The airline tea is not that good, you know, it never tastes like chai"
And then last but not least, "NeeTHAL" (instead of Neetal) is a nice name, what is the meaning of it?

I wish he could have found me to be a look alike of ciruit, so that I could have just said jiyadi bolna nahi... ... or whatever.... i so much wanted to throw him out of the window.

But then still, it would be nice you could stop poking fun at gujaratis...Be nice :)

September 12, 2007 1:18 AM  
Blogger Solitaire said...

Oh god!
This is tooooooooooooooooooo funny!!!
I, gujjuben too.

May 09, 2008 7:17 PM  

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