Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Bond. Desi Bond. Again!!!

Yeah. SHE is back. The all time love of my life returns. I am on seventh heaven, coz I simply had been missing her so much since she was gone. And life will never be the same from now. Those of you sadist guessing gurus who got it right, and caught the sarcasm in my words... she is baaak! The banana grabbing, jewellery shedding, holy ghost fearing reincarnation of P.T. USHA is back (by popular demand). And this time with new tricks up her sleeve.

Its the regular early morning scene at work. Now, let me divert a bit. Need to make a note to myself. I need to change the way my monitor is placed. When someone enters my room, he can see exactly whats displayed on my screen. End note. (Ok, no wisecracks like 'How the hell do you surf porn?')

So I am eating oatmeal (no, no bananas this time) and for a change, logged onto rediff, reading how the test between India and Sri Lanka has been washed out. And I sense this figure behind me. Turn around and see Madame Desi, doing her jig to draw my attention.

MD: "Apoorva, I need to ask you for a favor"
Me: "Uh. What kind? What favor?"
MD: "Can you take my photo?"
Me: "Eh?"
MD: "You see, I am going to India and I have to get my visa stamped. They say you need company photos there. Whenever you are free, can you?"

This is where the computer screen comes into play. Had it not been facing her, I could have said, "Yeah, ok, later, busy now", but now that she had seen that I was reading how Sachin was struggling to swim on Chinnaswamy Stadium, I said, "OK. Lets do it now"
(no pun intended there)

So MD walks up to her cube (me following her) and takes out an amazing 8X optical zoom digi-cam. Ok, I am a sucker for electronics. But somehow, this aint turning me on. Then she seats herself and flashes a 240 Volts smile.

Ok, Apoorva, just take the snaps and get out!

-Click, Click, Click-

Me: "Here. Bye"
MD: "Wait. Can you zoom in?"
Me: "MD!! How do u think these pics are helping you? I can setup a cube like this at my place. Whats the gaurantee for the stamping guy that this pic is been taken in our company?"
MD: -Shocked Look-
Me: (slightly raised and frustrated voice)"Go down, stand next to the company flag, the company logo, and take the photo. Flash your badge. Give them proof. This is not proof."

- Silence -

MD: "Ok, can you take my photo downstairs?"






Readers, do any of you know how to make poison? Help a suffering man!

And those of you wondering.... NO, THERE WERE NO FURTHER PHOTO SESSIONS.

After few days I saw her with another Desi gentleman, walking the corridors, wondering why the photos are not printing in color.

MD: "You know why this is not printing in color?"
Me: "That printer prints in color for me. Usually I print word docs or webpages. So embed your image in word and print it. If that doesnt work, make an html page with the pic on it and print it"
MD: "Ok, so I should embed in word?"
Me: "Yeah!"


Ok, that was the crappiest advice I have ever given anyone at work. And I feel so happy about it!

23 Comments:

Blogger Medha.. said...

hahahahahhahah..

Man that was funny!

Apoo, why do u ALWAYS bump into the weirdest kinds??? Must be you!!!! Something is definitely amiss with you!! :p:p

December 14, 2005 10:44 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Medha: You are whats amiss in my life. Come. Complete me.
*Stretches out arms to do a Jerry Mc'Guire + Shahrukh impersonation*

December 14, 2005 11:03 PM  
Blogger Menagerie said...

Oh my God....

Apoo should be advised to propose to MD. Behind all the sarcasm and apparent hatred, I see strong traces of attraction. An entire post dedicated to her, how sweet :D

December 14, 2005 11:05 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAAH
HAAHAHAHAHAAHAH
oh god i love this lady for pissing the hell out of u!!!!
may u and her remain working in the same company forever and EVER!!!

December 14, 2005 11:07 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Here is the shocker. MD is married!
WAAAHHH!! SOB SOB! BOO-HOO!
Ok, lemme target the single women here!
*Changes Focus*

December 14, 2005 11:08 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Mahi, you are just saying that coz u know she aint no threat for ya. Dontchya?

December 14, 2005 11:09 PM  
Blogger Bird said...

Pops, what does "em-bed" mean?

December 14, 2005 11:34 PM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

Married? Hmm...so when did that ever stop anybody, Apoo?

Bird: I think its Americanese for "Am in bed" (translate to Apoorvaese as: Wanna join me?)

December 14, 2005 11:40 PM  
Blogger Medha.. said...

Apoo, you are mad! :p

December 15, 2005 12:12 AM  
Anonymous Brad said...

Damn man. You gotta be kiddn me! Taking photos in an office cubicle for a 'company photo'.

Embed the photo in MS Word with the hope that it would print in color??? Whatever was that, man!? That forces me to ask what's MD's designation?

December 15, 2005 1:55 AM  
Blogger iyer education said...

cmon man... get the hints... she's askin for it... go ahead and give it... bee a man...

oh btw, in sleazy terms,

married women = resume of person with "experience" &
unmarried women = resume of fresher (atleast for name sake)

and you know when it comes to employment, which one of the above is given preference ;)

December 15, 2005 2:38 AM  
Blogger Demi Goddezz said...

Apoo:change ur focus .. before its too late ..;)

December 15, 2005 6:06 AM  
Blogger Menagerie said...

Married eh!

Yeah stay away, thats what I would say, experience or no experience, that's one husband bashing you don't need!

December 15, 2005 10:29 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Bird: Its Gujju. Will explain in detail later.

Idea: Talking in terms of Apoorvaese may I ask you to "embed"?

Medha: What took u so long to figure out? U r SLOW!!!

Brad: Thats confidential.
With a heavy heart, I say, "Programmer"

Iyer: I hear ya! Any first hand experience?

Demi: Stop copying what I said.

Menagerie: How do you know her husband wont be happy getting rid of her???
On a serious note, did anything in my post even remotely associate itself with the fact that I wanna be anywhere close to her?

December 15, 2005 4:34 PM  
Blogger Demi Goddezz said...

Apoo: Maybe I did ..But I mean it in a diff sense.. NOW U R SLOW!

December 15, 2005 5:16 PM  
Blogger Menagerie said...

How do you know he is not?

Or is that wishful thinking, so you can have your way !?

December 15, 2005 9:06 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Demi: OK OK. I am slow.

Menagerie: From all that I have written in the post... u think he would be sad?
Oh well.... never know!
Forget her... lets talk about your upcoming Indian trip!

December 15, 2005 9:09 PM  
Anonymous Brad said...

Holy Cow! She's one of us!
And 'yet'...!@!

December 15, 2005 9:11 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Yeah Brad... just the reason why I was reluctant to let it out.
Some of them just get thru I guess.

December 15, 2005 9:14 PM  
Blogger Menagerie said...

India trip, blah! Just trying to make me feel bad are ya?

At the moment my chances of going to India are turning from slim to none. I am soooooo disappointed :(

December 15, 2005 10:20 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Menagerie: Be positive... U'll get it! And click a foto of ya standing outside Shoppers Stop! Mail it to me for old times sake!

December 16, 2005 4:57 PM  
Blogger Lord of all Things said...

Covalent bonds, ionic bonds, hydrogenbonds, co-covalen bonds.. umm er... i shuld be going now...!! i hae nothing relevant to say anyway!!

December 17, 2005 6:36 AM  
Blogger abhi said...

... dwithya trithya ... we all fall down

December 18, 2005 4:40 AM  

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