Bond. Desi Bond. Again!!!

Yeah. SHE is back. The all time love of my life returns. I am on seventh heaven, coz I simply had been missing her so much since she was gone. And life will never be the same from now. Those of you sadist guessing gurus who got it right, and caught the sarcasm in my words... she is baaak! The banana grabbing, jewellery shedding, holy ghost fearing reincarnation of P.T. USHA is back (by popular demand). And this time with new tricks up her sleeve.

Its the regular early morning scene at work. Now, let me divert a bit. Need to make a note to myself. I need to change the way my monitor is placed. When someone enters my room, he can see exactly whats displayed on my screen. End note. (Ok, no wisecracks like 'How the hell do you surf porn?')

So I am eating oatmeal (no, no bananas this time) and for a change, logged onto rediff, reading how the test between India and Sri Lanka has been washed out. And I sense this figure behind me. Turn around and see Madame Desi, doing her jig to draw my attention.

MD: "Apoorva, I need to ask you for a favor"
Me: "Uh. What kind? What favor?"
MD: "Can you take my photo?"
Me: "Eh?"
MD: "You see, I am going to India and I have to get my visa stamped. They say you need company photos there. Whenever you are free, can you?"

This is where the computer screen comes into play. Had it not been facing her, I could have said, "Yeah, ok, later, busy now", but now that she had seen that I was reading how Sachin was struggling to swim on Chinnaswamy Stadium, I said, "OK. Lets do it now"
(no pun intended there)

So MD walks up to her cube (me following her) and takes out an amazing 8X optical zoom digi-cam. Ok, I am a sucker for electronics. But somehow, this aint turning me on. Then she seats herself and flashes a 240 Volts smile.

Ok, Apoorva, just take the snaps and get out!

-Click, Click, Click-

Me: "Here. Bye"
MD: "Wait. Can you zoom in?"
Me: "MD!! How do u think these pics are helping you? I can setup a cube like this at my place. Whats the gaurantee for the stamping guy that this pic is been taken in our company?"
MD: -Shocked Look-
Me: (slightly raised and frustrated voice)"Go down, stand next to the company flag, the company logo, and take the photo. Flash your badge. Give them proof. This is not proof."

- Silence -

MD: "Ok, can you take my photo downstairs?"






Readers, do any of you know how to make poison? Help a suffering man!

And those of you wondering.... NO, THERE WERE NO FURTHER PHOTO SESSIONS.

After few days I saw her with another Desi gentleman, walking the corridors, wondering why the photos are not printing in color.

MD: "You know why this is not printing in color?"
Me: "That printer prints in color for me. Usually I print word docs or webpages. So embed your image in word and print it. If that doesnt work, make an html page with the pic on it and print it"
MD: "Ok, so I should embed in word?"
Me: "Yeah!"


Ok, that was the crappiest advice I have ever given anyone at work. And I feel so happy about it!