Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Embarassments, Dallas and No Lady Luck

** Dallas for one, is a cool city. Specially when you view it from far off. The downtown looks inviting. When you get there, you realize there aint much more than a couple of museums and eateries. Last weekend I was up in Dallas till about 48 hours ago, presenting at a conference, wearing my cowboy hat n boots and going "Hee-Haw".

** Its particularly nice when your company decides to fly you first class. Its nice to also realize your boss's boss is flying the same flight to the conference. So as you chat with him in the wait area, and When they ask all first class passengers to board and he does not move, its NOT very nice.

** Its even worse when you are seated in your seat and he walks past you, smiles and carries on to economy. Gets worse when he tells the entire crowd at the hotel and they make you pay for drinks (I know, its no reason to pay for drinks, but you just cant say - NO. Its a different thing you can bill it to the corporate account!! Heh!)

** Its nice that they fly you to Dallas, put you up in a
cool hotel room in one of the 'happening' localities. Its NOT NICE that you have no time to visit places like the Galleria mall and are all tied up with work. I have said this before. Hold conferences in weird places like Idaho or Oklahoma, where you have nothing to do and dont feel bad about not being able to get out. Or rather, dont feel bad others got out and you are wrestling with powerpoint.

** The Hilton tho' had this bar called 'The Cricketers'. And it actually happened to be based upon the sport which originates from the motherland (England!!). Altho I still had to draw comparisions with baseball to make it easier to understand for the crowd around me. "Yes, you can actually hit the ball with your bat and not run!! And you can hit a home run and still stay on field."

** Sometimes I feel I am just not meant for hot chicks. I am meant for Fat men (no, dont get me in the wrong way). But when the entire flight has 2 seats vacant, one besides you and one in front of you, and the two people entering are 'hot chick' and 'fat man', the 'fat man' has to get the seat next to me. Come on, the law of averages has to catch up. Someday!!

** Did manage to meet up with two of my close buds from Syracuse, Mandar & Minu, who have bought an awesome house and who fed me some awesome home-made desi food (read, Ghee with Pooranpoli, Kolhapuri chicken and the works!). God bless em!

Thats a weekend, well spent!

Sunday, April 23, 2006


Why have I not been posting?
Well, it took me a lot of time, bargaining (and money) to finally get clearance to post what I have to, from Abhi

Anyways, heres hoping the wait was worth it.

Shopping for India - $1000
Cab to Newark Airport - $35
An Air India Ticket - $1350

"Beta, you are 26. You are not growing any younger. (long pause) And you are not married. Oh, and you are losing hair."
To hear your Mom say that as you come out of the airport - PRICELESS!

Frankly, I could sum up my India trip in three words. "Sleep and Eat". But that would actually beat my 55 words post. And how can I spare you guys the agony of reading it? So let me talk a little about the fun I managed to squeeze in between the sleep and eat.

What did I notice about Mumbai? The city seems to be building upon itself rather than expanding. I think this is how they develope the city. Two guys with a lot of money walk down a crowded street. One of them says, "Oh, lot of crowd. Good business. Lets build a mall in the middle of the road." Then the govt. says, "Oh mall, how nice. My wife can go shop there. But please dont build it in the middle of the road. Here, demolish so and so building and build a mall." And so, we have a mall and more traffic jams and a rather unplanned city. But, I love Mumbai.

My very first morning in Mumbai, and my very first religious experience, when my neighbours door opens and out walks Satya Sai baba.... or well, at least someone who resembles the same. The man started talking about getting spiritual right from the word go.... and when I realized that Spiritual equates to indulging in Spirits (alcohol), I knew its good old Abhi!

Image 2Image 2

Meeting Iyer

Now, meeting Iyer, was gonna be fun. I mean, from the blog he writes, the comments he makes, the songs he remixes, I was wondering if I would even get a chance to speak a word. So Abhi drags me into this room, which has a small little fella with a 3 week unshaven look, playing (of all the games) Serious Sam.

Me: Ah-ha, finally, Iyerospace.
He: Hey.
Me: Whats up man?!
He: Nothing. U?
Me: Uhhh... not much.

- silence -

Me: What u playing?
He: Serious Sam.

Me: (thinking) I communicate with this guy more through my blog and comments, than in person.

People, Iyer is not the funny guy he potrays himself to be.... he is fooling us all. No, on a serious note, we did hit it off (only he had to get drunk for it).

Meeting Ideasmith

She: You are neither as good as you look, nor as funny as you seem on your blog.
Me: OK. Where is your tattoo?
She: Can you show me how to use my phone's camera?
Me: OK. Can I click ya tattoo?
She: I am not a feminist.
Me: Can I pay for the coffee?
She: Sure.

And yes, Satya Sai Baba look-alike sure rocks when he gets drunk.

More to follow.... (just dont know when)

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Daylight Savings. Axe Effect.

Sunday night, the clock moves ahead by an hour. Which means, more daylight. Yes, when I get off work, I dont drive around in darkness, but drive around in sun light. I dont need to switch my headlights on. I like it. But this also means, my body clock, which is programmed to be up by 8, now has to be up by 7 (well, its 8, but remember, everythings gone ahead by an hour). And so as things shoud be, I dont get up by 8, but by 9, and I dont reach work by 9, but by 10. And my boss gives me a you ought to be fired look.

Why, cant we have things the way I see them to be.

Last week of October, when we turn our clocks back by an hour at some odd hour on Sunday - why not turn our clocks back by 25 hours at the same odd hour on a Sunday? So what does this mean? We get an extra day off. 2 Saturdays in a row. And the body gets an extra day to adjust to an effective one hour shift back in time (apart from the fact that everyone gets another Saturday night to get drunk).

Now you all are asking me, "How the hell do you account for this extra day Apoorva? How? Will a year have 366 days now?"

No. Peace. Behold.

Come first week of April, instead of turning your clocks ahead by an hour, you turn them ahead by 25 hours. But, this you do on a Thursday nite. So you see whats happening? You entirely skip your Friday at work and end up on Friday night. So you party Friday night and Saturday night and get used to the one hour shift in time.

Viola. Aint I brilliant?

Axe - Recovery. Yes, this very shower gel. Dont try it, unless you like electral. Yup. Remember Electral? That powdered packet we used to get in our childhood, which you mix with water and drink (was it usually after u have gone about puking all over the place?) Axe recovery smells just like Electral. And I made the mistake of buying it (without testing it), so everyday I head to office smelling of Electral.

Anyways, to negate this smell, I use Axe - Unlimited deo. (Tried and tested - and approved). And now I know how Axe makes all its money!!

And those who havent figured it out, daylight saving and the axe effect are not linked.