Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Must Have Been Yellow

I love this song. I am sure most of you reading this post do.

However there are a few people who have not heard of the phenomenon called Coldplay. One such person who I, with much reluctance, call my friend happened to be in my car as "Yellow" blared from the speakers.

Friend: Which song is this?
Me: Coldplay. Yellow. You havent heard it?
Friend: Nope.
Me: Come on man. Its like the best song ever. Whats funny about it is Chris Martin came up with the lyrics when his new-born peed on him.
Friend: What?
Me: Listen to em!

"And everything you do,
Yeah, they were all yellow"

"Oh what a thing to have done,
And it was all yellow"

"Oh what a thing to do.
Cos you were all yellow"

Friend: No way! Good try tho'!
Me: Would jaundice have worked better?

The more I think about this now, the more I think this song is related to pee.

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Friday, July 27, 2007

Harry The Bloody Potter

So I walked out of a bar and saw these two witches pass by me. I turned around, went in again, had a few more drinks to clear my head and walked out to find a block surrounded by wizards and witches. Close to midnight, all lined up, to get into Barnes and Noble. Always remember when a Harry Potter book releases.

Why do they have a midnight release? That too of a book which is a favorite amongst kids. I dont see the logic. Kids line up from 7 PM and waste 5 hours in a line dressed up as a witch after which they end up with a copy of the book which they take home and read all night and end up sleeping all day to wake up at night and continue reading. Bookstores remain open all night long, that too a few weeks after we pledged to save electricity and go green!

I say a book release should be at noon. This way, kids will wake up at 5 AM and line up by 7 AM. Read the book all day and sleep at night. No one cares about our next generation as much as I do! And when someone walks out of a bar at midnight is not shocked to see witches walking by.

I also suggest you should have your entire list of co-workers online in a multi-player environment of Unreal Tournament. So when someone screws up, which results in your entire team sitting 12 hours a day, 7 days a week in a 4X4 cubicle, you at least have the pleasure of killing the person in the virtual world.

My friend Sharma, sometime ago, came up with one of his brilliant moments of realization. "If San Jose is pronounced San Hoze, as a Joshi, are you Apoorva Hozhi?"

Drink the hot herbal green tea in a transparent glass (preferably the kinds they serve beer in) at work. Everyone thinks you are having beer. Once you make it clear to everyone that it is green tea, and they laugh off how stupid they could be, start having beer!

Bally's swimming pool in the White Marsh - Baltimore area has a weird rule. Lifegaurds need a break for 10 mins. every hour. So the pool is closed from 10:50-11:00, 11:50-12:00 and so on. If you happen to be swimming, you have to vacate the pool area and return after 10 mins. Am I surrounded by dumb people, or am I the dumb one?

I think I have put on a lil too much weight. When I walk into Chipotle and ask for a Burrito Bol, the guy behind the counter always asks, "Two?". Off late my friends are laying bets on this.

And lastly, I seriously think Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears should be put in the same lock-up. And kept there. Forever.

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Thursday, July 12, 2007

Chocolate Balls (Your's Sister's Ball)

Dhapoed from Flickr.

Nasty Delicious? Hmm!

Somebody explain. Please.

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Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Difficult Choice

Recently I was out at a bar/club, trying to shake muh butt. Which is when I realized.... (I'll have to flashback here).

[start flashback]

I used to be a pathetic dancer. Remember we used to play langdii as kids? (Langdii is a game where you hop around on one leg, chasing others running around on two legs). Yes, thats how I used to look when I danced. So eventually I gave up dancing and became, what one of my friend calls, wall-flower. Drink in hand, leaning against the wall, staring at other people dancing. Now, thanks to my orientation, I would stare more at some girl dancing really well (compared to some guy dancing really well). And then go home a happy man, with a mental picture of the girl doing her dance steps. And this went on for a long time. And then it all came to a grinding halt when I gave up drinking. End of clubbing, end of hanging out at bars. Just happy mental pictures of the girls doing their dance steps.

[end flashback]

Now, like I mentioned, I recently went to a bar/club. No drink in hand, I got bored of being a wallflower and decided to dance. What the hell if it looks like I was playing langdii, I would get some exercise. And so I hit the dance floor.

To my surprise, I was not doing the langdii anymore. Remember all those pretty dance steps I kept playing over and over in my mind. I think my body had become accustomed to those dance steps and there I was, one-hot-dancer-chick, trapped in Apoorva's body! I had to call it quits halfway through Shakira's "Hips Dont Lie" when few of the girls dancing next to me stopped, stared at me and started copying my dance moves. That was the all time low (or high, depending how you see it).

So, now I am stuck with a difficult decision to make.

I could start staring at guys who dance well. And hope their dance moves overwrite the womanly dance moves in my brain.

I could continue dancing like a woman and put Shakira to shame!

I could go back to alcohol and become a wall-flower.

I could spend Saturday nights at Barnes & Noble reading "My Experiments with Truth".

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