Thursday, August 31, 2006

How Women Without Oreos Can Be Dangerous To Health

Over many centuries, man has tried to arouse em women in different ways. Tempt them. Like keeping a lioness hungry and then giving her a small taste of blood. That'll make her desperate for more and drive her to a certain level of insanity.

I figured out something which works to the same effect. Perhaps better.

Its been a long day at work. Its approaching 6 PM (which by my company standards is an hour or more beyond closing time) and a group of people are still at work. Yours truly is included in that group.

Just a few days ago I picked up a pack of Mint Oreos (dont ask why) and for reasons unknown to me, carried them to work. At 6 PM I went about distributing them to anyone staying up late. Many of the males politely refused (as expected) and all the women pounced on it. In the end I could account for one cookie a person, and the stock I had carried to work was over in no time.

After having my much wanted break, I was back in my office space when I hear footsteps. Many footsteps. Like an army approaching. And millions of bodies pop into my room. All smiling (but a little tense) women.

"Do you have any more of those mint Oreos?"
Me: "Uhhh.... No"
"Man, we need those. You gave us one and now you have us going"
"I love mint", said one.
"I love chocolate", said the other.
"I love chocolate with mint", said the third one.
"Mint Oreos have chocolate with mint", said all of them!
"Help", said I.

Then one of em moves threateningly close. "You get us the Oreo Mints now Mister. Go buy them. We need em! NOW!!"

Ha! I think the Axe Effect is crap! They need to get out something in terms of "The Mint Oreo Effect".

Of course, on my way to work tomorrow I need to pick up a super-duper pack of the above, else this could very well be my last blog entry.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

For A Change

When I look back at certain events or people 10 years ago to what they are now, I am shocked on how my guess went so wrong! In 10th grade, when you are the all famous brat making all the front benchers tremble at your sight and when you spot this little wouldnt harm a fly kinda silent guy staring at you with an expression that he is gonna piss in fear if you take another step closer, at that very moment you know that this guy is gonna grow up to be a doctor, get married by the age of 25 to the girl his parents choose, oil his hair all his life and have kids when his parents say its the right time!

I recently made up a profile on Orkut and have had people popping by in tons, people I had no clue had even survived their 12th grade are working as financial wizards up on Wall St. And its done my ego no harm to realize someone actually does a search on my name and says hello! And when I look back on my self-imposed opinion about most of these people, I think I been so wrong!

A friend 'scrapped' me about a month ago, saying he saw my profile and was in Baltimore. We were soon having dinner together. The last I spoke to him was in 1995-96. We were together in Jamnabai. Played cricket together. He always got me run out! He was the most silent chap I had ever known. South Indian, shy, perfectionist at Maths, thick specs, oiled hair. I could never recollect him speaking to the opposite sex.

But the guy I met at Baltimore - the hair oil had given way to hair gel. The specs were replaced by contact lens. The waitress who attended our table, he found her to be beautiful and he made it a point that she knew his opinion about her. He was getting married in a month to a Punjabi girl he had met whilst pursuing his graduate degree. He is probably married as I type this. The only thing which remained the same was we (also) spoke about Mathematics and Statistics.

No doubt. I was surprised.

I met Nipun during my engineering days. I remember him being someone who could very well end up being in his own world. Slightly long hair, hoarse voice, he loved playing the guitar and composing his own songs. Every year at the college festival, he would walk up on stage with his guitar and sing a song no one had ever heard. Simply coz he wrote the song himself. And irrespective of whether the crowd booed him or cheered him, he would walk off with a simple thank you.

It was the age my parents had strictly warned me about the hazards of alcohol. When they would keep an eye on me to make sure I had not taken up smoking. It was the same age when Nipun would be more than happy to be drunk as and when required. I dont recollect if he burnt tobacco to ash, coz I usually stay away from cigarette smoke, but am sure he did. When I graduated, I expected Nipun to end up as a rock-n-roll kinda guy, having kids he didnt know about.

But then, he scrapped me on Orkut. And I saw his photograph. All dressed up in formals. Hair cut, all short and trim. He works as a Business Analyst in Atlanta. And the biggest shock of all. A book written by Nipun selling on Amazon!
Hindu Histories - the Beginnings. If it said - "How to get drunk without a hangover" I would still not have been too surprised (nd expected a best-seller). But Hindu Histories - by Nipun? I have not read the book to comment about it but its definitely on my to-do list now.

Some changes are so unexpected. Its like Paris Hilton becoming a nun!

Some things come across so unexpected. Many people who have got in touch with me over orkut have changed so very much. Most, for the better. It was
Anita who sent me a mail to join up on Orkut. And its been worth creating that account. Anita, if you are ever in Baltimore, dinners on me!

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Dual Identity

I had asked Bakshi to take this picture with the sunrise as a backdrop. As a matter of fact, I wanted the sun to be blocked by my face (an Apoorvaclipse if you would like to coin a name for that).

I thought - "It would look like there is light coming out of my head. Something like an enlightened one!"

And the picture came out to be just the way I ordered it.

Now the more I stare at the enlightened one, it looks like I am taking a leak in the Grand Canyon.

Damn my imagination!!!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

I Have A Moustache

I never believed there were too many fanatic Indians in Maryland. I was proved wrong.

I thought Gujjus didnt exist in Maryland. Once again, I was wrong.

When in India, I would never stand in line to book tickets for a movie (Mom, can you get them on your way back from work?, or more recently - dial Adlabs and have them deliver it home). But in USA, where Hindi movie theatres should be running half full (I am an optimist), I stand in line for a good 30 minutes to watch the crap of a sob drama - Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna. And there were some fanatics who stood for 90 minutes (suckers!).

Yeah, thats the huge line for watching the above mentioned sob queen, as seen from my camera phone. Also, you can bet your life every person you see in the queue is a Gujju. "Shahrukh, lai saras"

Gujju girls also 'saras', till they open their mouth. Next time, I carry noise cancellation headphones.

Watching the movie makes me go insane. It makes me wanna do weird things. It makes me wanna grow a moustache.

Do not watch Kabhi Alvida Na Kehnaa, unless you want to grow a moustache. Frankly, the movie can be described as "awesome body with no soul". Abhishek rocked tho!

Note: The moustache lasted only for a couple of hours. So stop laughing your ass off and get back to doing something productive.