Oh, How I Have Ignored Thee

Its been a while. And I have a lot to blog, but nothing in particular. So this post might be random. It might make you say "Huh?" by the end of it (What? You say you already do for all my posts?)

Firstly, I survived a West Michigan winter. What it means is best explained by the photo below. Thats an icicle coming down all the way from my balcony. Mid-Jan to mid-Feb was insane in terms of snow. Now I know why people warned me against coming to Michigan.

Life can be funny. At least when it comes to financial aid and airlines. When you come to the USA for your masters, you are this poor Indian wannabe Grad, running to every professor in an attempt to land the much in-demand TA/RA/GA positions and you are turned down from everywhere. So you eventually graduate with a huge debt. Now when you pursue a part time degree, sponsored by your company, the professor asks if you would like to help in research!

The same goes with airlines. When you travel economy, you get a middle seat in the row with two fat 300 lbs men in the seats next to yours. By the time the flight lands, you feel like the patty in a burger. Only the buns are made of rock! I sure could do with a vacant seat next to mine when I fly economy. But fly first class and I would like a fellow-passenger in the adjacent seat. Oh, for all you know, it might be Adriana Lima flying for a photo-op, or Doug Sharon, who I would like to piss off with ethics of carrying client material to Morgan Stanley (ok, not really - I'll stick to Adriana), or simply a 300 lbs man, coz there is enough space!! You get the point. But nah, fly first class and you get an empty seat next to yours. Just when you dont need it.

Such is life!

I had a quick day trip to Chicago and the city always surprises me with its architecture. They build skyscrapers not coz they have to build skyscrapers. They build em coz they love building em! Each building has its uniqueness. And is an architectural delight. Thats where Chicago stands out from NYC. However, you dont find people on every street and corner of downtown Chicago, and thats where NYC scores over Chicago. Perhaps the only city whose downtown is buzzing 24X7 is NYC.

If you ever visit a company, or a school, or some particular program, many a time you get a name tag. Some people clip it onto their shirt pocket. Some over their belts. For men, I highly recommend the shirt pocket. For some weird reason, most desis will not come forward and introduce themselves and shake your hand and wait for you to introduce yourself. They walk to you, look at your name tag, and those who suffer from vision issues get really close to you and then go, "Oh, Apoorva. I am Sunita." Now imagine if you have the name tag on your belt. Every time a desi approaches you, either you feel like your fly is open, or the desi wants some!

For women, the tag position gets a little tricky. But I wont get into that here.

Have you ever been to Qdoba? They have something known as a "Naked Burrito" (all you Chipotle fanatics, its the equivalent of a Burrito Bol). Its a burrito without the tortilla, served in a bowl. Each time I am at Qdoba, I place my order in one of the following two ways:
"Its going to be a chicken burrito. Could I have it naked?"
OR
"Its going to be a chicken burrito. Could you make it naked?"

I started off with the former, however after I realized what I am saying, I have shifted to the later. In fact Qdoba has a really neat shirt - all black with "Get Naked" written on the back. I think they could start a new campaign which goes "Qdoba - We make out Burritos naked". If you do not see a sharp rise in the quarterly earnings, I'll actually go have a Burrito naked!

OK, I'll stop before people actually start imagining moi naked and killing themselves.

And that is how it looks when the snow melts and the sun is out.

Doritos Made Healthy

I have mentioned it before. Right here. For a woman, nothing is sexier than a man who cooks.

I was wrong!!

I should have stayed up with the new age.

Nothing is sexier than a man who can cook healthy food. Or better, make junk food look healthy. And so the man improvises his game and stays up with the current trend!

Presenting - Misal Doritos, a la Doritos, made healthy!




Who has been to Bombay and had Misal Pav?

Soak 'em Moth Beans overnight and dry them. Leave them another 12 hours till they sprout a little.
Cook these with diced onions and tomatoes on a light flame till they are nice and soft. Add a little of Indian masalas if you like.
Bake potatoes till they are nice and soft.
Crush some Doritos into a bowl. I used the spicy buffalo flavor. Mix with above.
Add the tamarind chutney you get for bhel puri and mix throughly!

Its quick, its fast and its yummy.

Dont crush the Doritos, but lay them out with the mixture on them and you have Indian Nachos!

Ok, now who wants to marry me?

PS:
I shall entertain emails and phone calls for further inquiries on the recipe, provided you invite me over when the item is cooked and ready!
I shall cook for you if you rate me 11 on a scale of 10 (0 being least and 10 being max.) for the sexiest cook alive!
If you steal this recipe and make money out of it without sharing the booty.... screw you!

Theplas - An Entrepreneurial Idea

Despite being in Baltimore for over 2 years, this was the first time I was flying into the city as my port of entry. BWI being a huge domestic hub, but a not so huge international hub, my hopes were high of getting past immigration and security in quick time. All was good till security. Immigrations was a breeze, getting my bag was even easier but as we approached security, the nightmare began.

On flight, I had become pretty pally with this Italian guy and Indian girl. And as we walked towards security any example of racial profiling became very evident. The officer pulls the Indian girl and me aside, asks us to go left. Mr. Italiano happily walks through and is scott-free. As I look around, I find myself in a queue which contains Nigerians, Chinese and Indians. All waiting for their bags to be scanned, opened up, examined. Not a single European/American in that queue. The algorithm was simple. Indian, Chinese, Middle-Eastern, African - go left. Others, go home.

And so I stand in the line, a little annoyed. However in such times I can count on my Gujju tribesmen to provide some relief. In front of me was a pure blood Gujarati, probably flying first time into USA and he was being grilled by the security officer. First, he was asked to open his bag and every item examined. Halfway through this examination, this is how the conversation went.

Security: What plant is this?
Gujju: Its a broom.

Security officer wears latex gloves and picks up what in India we call a broom, made of long wooden twigs most commonly used to clean up toilets. Its used to scrub away dirt with water and many a time used by the Assam guys working at roadside Chinese food stalls to clean their frying pans.

Security (holding broom upright, wearing latex gloves): This is a broom?
Gujju: Yes. Special broom.

The officer took the broom aside, sprayed it with something. Then he carried it into a room, came out after a while and put it back in the bag. While he was gone, the Gujju turns around and says to his clan, "Gaanda chhe baddha.", a mild interpretation of which would be - "All these guys are stupid"

And while Mr. Gujju was being examined, I got pulled into an aisle parallel to his by another officer who ripped open my bags, asked me how much money I was carrying and why the hell was I coming to Baltimore. When I return from India, usually I am in no mood to cook for a few weeks, so my Mom always packs some food for me. This time I was in no mood to cook for a month, so I went overboard and asked for a 100 theplas to be packed. So our cook toiled for a day and we had 100 theplas (recipe) all packed in my bag. So when the officer opens my bag, he finds theplas all over.

Officer: Whats this?
Me: Indian bread. (for those unaware of theplas, they do not look like bread in any manner whatsoever, but are an awesome gujju dish)
Officer: Indian bread?
Me: Well, its called theplas (at this moment the Gujju man turned around and bared all his teeth), its not bread, its more like.... ummm....
Officer: Whats it made of?
Me: (I had no idea) Potatoes and ummm.... lettuce(?)
Officer: Does it have any meat?
(Gujju man gave a look of shock, another Gaanda chhe baddha look)
Me: Nope. This is a traditional dish. Pure vegetarian.
Office: Why are you carrying so many?
Me: The doctor has asked me to stay on a high carb diet for a month.

Somehow he seemed to buy it and let me go with a "Thank You for your patience".

However, this guy has given me a new entrepreneurial idea. Chicken theplas. Shrimp theplas. Lamb Theplas. Scallop Theplas. Boston Clam Chowder Theplas. Why not? When we can have chicken dosas? All the convert gujjus (I mean, gujjus who converted to non-veg) would love it. So do I have someone ready to go in for a partnership? You have my email address.

On a slightly different note, anyone come across any sort of profiling at US airports? I've flown into this country five times and this is the first time I was given a hard time. Or was it because I was flying British Airways?