Baap Ban Jaaye Campaign

A quick note for readers who are not well versed in Hindi - read the note at the end of this post before you read it. Others, read on!

I was chatting with a friend when the conversation ended up in music and Ghulam Ali (I swear we have a life), and I casually mentioned, "As a kid I was in love with two songs. Chupke Chupke and Baap Ban Jaaye."

This is what followed:

She: Baap Ban Jaaye?
Me: Aap jaisa koi mere zindagii mein aaye, toh Baap Ban Jaaye (Translated: Someone like you enters my life, he'll become a Dad)
She: I love that song too, but its Baat Ban Jaaye, not BAAP
Me: What? No way!

Since the age of 5, I have been singing this song from Qurbaani and the lyrics in my book have always been Baap Ban Jaaye. I am sure somewhere in the past I must have walked into a house packed with guests with my Mom going, "Oh yeah, he has started singing lessons. Apoo, you wanna demo?"

"Sure Mom. One, Two, Three - Aap jaisa.... Baap Ban Jaaye"

No wonder my singing classes were abruptly canceled and they put me in drawing classes.

However, with my years of self taught lyrics shattered, I decided to do a postmortem. And eventually have come to the conclusion that the lyrics of the song should be changed from Baat to Baap. Firstly, check out the video. Now, which guy would prefer Zeenat saying "Baat Ban Jaaye" over "Baap Ban Jaaye". If any one of you guys raised your hand, I suggest a sex change operation or suicide.

I even compared it to the male version of Bryan Adams - Ever Loved a Woman. Apparently all women I know go all weak on the "See your unborn children in her eyes". I think "Baap Ban Jaaye" should be the male equivalent of that.

On a side note, I can see my Dad heave a sigh of relief with a "Finally he got the lyrics and I can stop being embarrassed in public" dialog.

So, should I start a facebook campaign for a change in lyrics?
Should I make an appeal to Biddu and Nazia Hassan?
Should I just shut up?


Note:
Baap Ban Jaaye - in Hindi means become a father
Baat Ban Jaaye - in Hindi is something to the tune of 'its a sweet deal'.

Ho'!

The Panera Bread at Baltimore has a system where you get an order #, and once the food is ready, they call out your order #. On the west side of Michigan, or in Wilmington, Delaware, they make it more complicated. They ask for your name as you place the order and call out your name when the food is ready. And this is where the trouble starts.

As many might have noticed, my name is not the best for the 'Wild Wild' West. Its difficult to walk up in a bar... ok, its easy to walk up in a bar but its difficult to pull off a "How you doing? The name is Apoorva", compared to a "How you doing? The name is Clint". Not to say - My name is Apoorva - ever worked in India, but it never got me a "Huh?"

Anyhoo, back to Panera. I place my order and the pretty lady behind the counter asks for my first name. From experience I have learned to pass on my last name in such cases.

"Joshi"
"What?"
"J-O-S-H-I. Joshi"
(pretty lady types)
"Ok, no guarantees on that one", she says.

So I move to the section where they are making the paninis and soups and all that yummy food and another pretty lady is bringing out the food and calling out names.

"Tom, your order is ready"
"Jane, your order is ready"

Long pause, looks at the screen.

"Ho......."
Has trouble reading
"Ho....? Errr...."

"Yes, thats me"
"How do you say your name?"
"You dont wanna try. All I'll tell ya is its definitely not Ho'!"

And we laugh.

And then I walk away.

The new Ho' in town!

Chocolate Balls (Your's Sister's Ball)

Dhapoed from Flickr.






Nasty Delicious? Hmm!


Somebody explain. Please.

Difficult Choice

Recently I was out at a bar/club, trying to shake muh butt. Which is when I realized.... (I'll have to flashback here).

[start flashback]

I used to be a pathetic dancer. Remember we used to play langdii as kids? (Langdii is a game where you hop around on one leg, chasing others running around on two legs). Yes, thats how I used to look when I danced. So eventually I gave up dancing and became, what one of my friend calls, wall-flower. Drink in hand, leaning against the wall, staring at other people dancing. Now, thanks to my orientation, I would stare more at some girl dancing really well (compared to some guy dancing really well). And then go home a happy man, with a mental picture of the girl doing her dance steps. And this went on for a long time. And then it all came to a grinding halt when I gave up drinking. End of clubbing, end of hanging out at bars. Just happy mental pictures of the girls doing their dance steps.

[end flashback]

Now, like I mentioned, I recently went to a bar/club. No drink in hand, I got bored of being a wallflower and decided to dance. What the hell if it looks like I was playing langdii, I would get some exercise. And so I hit the dance floor.

To my surprise, I was not doing the langdii anymore. Remember all those pretty dance steps I kept playing over and over in my mind. I think my body had become accustomed to those dance steps and there I was, one-hot-dancer-chick, trapped in Apoorva's body! I had to call it quits halfway through Shakira's "Hips Dont Lie" when few of the girls dancing next to me stopped, stared at me and started copying my dance moves. That was the all time low (or high, depending how you see it).

So, now I am stuck with a difficult decision to make.

I could start staring at guys who dance well. And hope their dance moves overwrite the womanly dance moves in my brain.

I could continue dancing like a woman and put Shakira to shame!

I could go back to alcohol and become a wall-flower.

I could spend Saturday nights at Barnes & Noble reading "My Experiments with Truth".

Foot-In-Mouth Moments

Team meetings. Indians, Chinese, Americans. Talk, talk, talk. Time for a break.

I turn to the Chinese Biostatistician sitting next to me. "So, do you know Kung-Fu?"

Team Lunch. Everyone is gulping Italian food. The conversation is about different countries and their culture. I turn to my Chinese friend. "So, do you know Kung-Fu?"

Then, sometime after this, I was with a friend of mine who was talking about how a Chinese friend of his came and asked him if elephants walk about on Indian roads, to which he asked if all of China knows Kung-Fu. And both smiled and went their respective ways.

"But, whats wrong with asking if he knows Kung-Fu?"
"Dude, its offensive. How would you feel if someone asked whether Indians roam around on flying carpets. Or if India is about cows and elephants?"

Ok, that explains why my year-end bonus was not what I expected it to be.




In a slightly off mood with a friend over not getting some stuff done right.

She: Ok, ok, lets forget it and get on with what we have at hand?
Me: No!
She: No?
Me: No! Coz everything you and I end up doing is not gonna last right for more than 2 minutes.
[Silence]
She: (grinning) 2 minutes eh cowboy?
Me: OK! Not EVERYTHING!!




My company had a lay-off sometime ago. Some of the people who got laid off, got a good 6 months of salary in severance, took 2 months of vacations and joined a sister company when they came back.

After hearing this, the great me goes public with the sentence, "I should have got laid!!"



Many more 'funny' moments coming up soon - coz Iyer will be in Baltimore over this weekend. Any ideas on how I should give him a warm welcome? Not turning up at the airport to receive him would be a good start, no?

NY to London

Some bit of Google fun I found in my e-mail today.

1. go to www.google.com
2. click on "maps"
3. click on "get directions"
4. type "New York" in the first box (the "from" box)
5. type "London" in the second box (the "to" box)
6. hit get directions
7. scroll down to step #24

Yes, read the point #24 on directions - thats important.

If you are too lazy to do the above, click on this link, since I have done so for you. I respect your laziness.

Those guys at Mountain View have some sense of humor eh?

Interviewing Exposed

We had a little relaxing moment at work where my group sat down and spoke about random stuff. And one such topic which came up was when each one of us had interviewed at the company. Since none of these guys were around when I had come in to interview, there were no fun stories about me that they knew of. So I thought of telling them this funny incident.

It was a few days before X-mas in 2004 when I drove to Baltimore to interview. It was a cold day and from the schedule, it seemed to be a long day, starting at 8 and ending by 4. The last interview being with my current boss and manager, who would make the final call. When I arrived, there was some scheduling problem and my to-be-boss would be my first interview. Not a good thing - I was being thrown into the ring without any warm-up. We made small conversation as we walked to his office and when we got in, my boss asks, "Hey, I forgot to ask, do you want some coffee?", which I politely refused.

"You sure? Coz I am getting some for me."
"Yes, I am OK"
"Fine, have a seat and I'll be right back", he pointed with his hands in a particular direction, to a chair and walked out.

The slightly-tense me walked in the direction he had pointed out and sat down. And looked around the office.

"Hmmm, nice office. Nice view, windows on 3 sides", I thought. "And this is a very comfortable chair. Very relaxing." And I looked around the office rotating the chair around its axis as I sat on it. A 90 degree rotation to the left and I was staring at a computer screen. "Very weird", I thought. He might ask me to program something on the PC perhaps. And then I looked across the desk and saw two chairs on the the other side, not-so-comfortable-looking as the one I was on.

"Hmmm. Comfortable chair, access to the PC. Something is fishy. Ahhh... I am sitting on his chair"

And I jumped out of it like a jack in the box, just as my boss entered the room. Fortunately he did not see me and I moved across and occupied one the chairs on the other side. Close one.


A funnier interview episode was when a friend of mine interviewed. I had told him about the opening and when he asked if I had any do's-dont's, all I told him was just stick to the point. Dont answer more than what is asked. He however, took this advice to a whole new dimension.

We had an initial phone screen with my boss, my friend and I in conference.

Boss: Hello
Friend: hello

Boss: So, can you tell us something about yourself?
Friend: Yes.

(long silence)

Boss: Hello, X?
Friend: Yes, hello.

Boss: Can you tell us something about yourself?
Friend: Yes.

(again, long silence - my boss looks at me and smiles)

Boss: Hello, X. Can you hear us?
Friend: Yes. I can hear you.

Boss: So can you tell us something about yourself?
Friend: Yes.

(silence - and my boss is making this 'whats going on' face)

Me: X, what we want is you go ahead and introduce yourself. Tell us about your past experience, what you are looking for blah blah.
Friend: Oh. OK, I am a certified..... (and it goes fine from then)

Yes, we did hire him. Eventually! And I remind him everytime of this incident and we laugh.

DreamBoy

Ummm, nope, I am not doing a male version of Beyonce's DreamGirls. I have just been tagged by Deepak to put down three of my weirdest dreams. While I am more than willing to do that, I shall add my own twist to it.

Ok, so back to dreaming.

Perhaps the weirdest dream I had was last weekend (Saturday night into Sunday morning). I dreamt a child was born to my uncle & aunt (my Mom laughed when I told her this) and the family was all happy. They had got the kid home from hospital when I walked in with my cousin bro (my uncles actual son). As we looked at the kid, we realized he has no eyes. No eyes meaning, he had eye-lids, but no eye-balls and the works underneath. Pull up the eye-lids and its all hollow. So I was pulling his eye-lids apart and looking in to see whats wrong (hey, its a weird dream, remember?). And my cousin bro was all panicky that there are no eyes. However, everyone around was very calm when they heard the news. And thats where it ends.

Explanation: I saw Eklavya on Saturday night where Amitabh plays an old guard with dying eyesight. There is a lot of focus on his eyes etc. in the movie and perhaps this was playing on my mind when I went to sleep.

However, what I wonder is why had nobody noticed the kid had no eyes till my cousin and I walked in?


I get this recurring dream. Its my engineering or my 12th grade examination the next day and I have completely forgetten about it. And there are these massive books, crazy diagrams, paper notes and I know it is impossible to seek in this information in a days time. Basically, I am flunking. Which is when I wake up. I must have had this dream about 3-5 times.

Conclusion: I should not have given my 12th or engineering exams!



I am getting married (there had to be one dream on this!!). However, I have no idea who the bride is. Even funnier, the marriage is on my building terrace (what we call T-Top), which is all lighted up and decorated and I am dressed up in a dhoti while all the people around me are dressed up in the typical Karan Johar movie-wedding sequence clothes. Both the sides family's are on T-Top but the girl is missing. Then someone says she is on her way from UK. The flight was delayed. Meantime my friends start calling to join them on the water tank and drink away. The girl arrives but I cant see her. All I can see is she is dressed in white and people escort her away. Suddenly there is music. Sounds like trance. Everyone starts dancing while I stand and stare. More people join in. The crowd gets intense, like a packed B.E.S.T. bus. People are clinging onto anything they see. Pipes, poles. The music plays on. T-top is packed beyond capacity with people dressed in traditional clothes dancing to trance. Suddenly the marriage has turned into a Frathouse party! Till one person falls off. And then people start jumping off T-top (which is an eight storey drop). And this is when I wake up.

Explanation: Marriage - just read my previous post. It was playing on my mind. In Mumbai, we sit on T-top every night and get drunk. I had a 13 hour stop-over in London, which might explain the UK connection. Bird keeps talking about crowded BEST buses all the time.
However jumping off the terrace and girl dressed in white? *Scratches head*

Conclusion: My marriage is gonna be one hell of a rave party!


They say one can interpret most dreams. I wont tag anyone (however, anyone who has not blogged in a while could try their hand at this), but would definitely like to hear how you interpret these dreams. Thats my twist to the tag and your homework for the day!